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Major shagger
My mate used to be a right laugh. She was drinker, a flirt and a major shagger.
Back at college she had the pick of the rugby team and slept her way around the student haunts. At one time she had three guys on the go – and all four often ended up in bed together on a Saturday night…
She and I shared a special bond and we’d take the pee out of each other something rotten. But since getting a new job and boyfriend, she’s changed. She’s become stuck up and prickly.
The other night we met up for a long overdue drink (If I didn’t know better, I’d think she’d been avoiding me for the past six months…)
I ordered a bottle of fizz and she snapped: ‘Not for me’ and had a water. I tried to remind her of all the embarrassing things she did at our old firm, and she refused to laugh.
She was touchy and unsmiling and left after an hour. Who is so stuck up that they can’t laugh at themselves? Do I need to remind her of what she did and where she comes from?
JANE SAYS: You need to accept that your mate has grown up and moved on.
Clearly, she isn’t interested in dwelling on the past and being reminded of the silly mistakes she made as a youngster. Who can blame her?
Did you get the impression that she had decided – beforehand – to simply give you an hour to tick a box? Don’t allow yourself to be downhearted. Accept that she’s living a different life now. It could be that she has a lot of worries and responsibilities on her shoulders.
Give her space because she knows where to find you. I very much doubt she needs to be reminded of anything.
Be prepared for the fact that you and she could be done…
Bad relationship
My mum never cooked proper meals when we were young. My brother and I lived off biscuits and cereal, which we found for ourselves. If we complained of feeling hungry, she’d say: “Eat an apple”.
Thank goodness for school dinners and the woman next door who gave us leftovers.
Now Mum is keen to have my children (5 and 7) to stay over. She lives over 10 miles away. But can I trust her to feed them properly when she still has a bad relationship with food to this day?
JANE SAYS: You are the mother and it’s your job to protect and feed your children. Level with your mum; explain that you have serious concerns about her ability to take their needs seriously. Is she willing to be educated on nutrition and portions? Can she provide a meal plan?
Should you send their pre-prepared meals over with them? This is not the time for tip toeing around and worrying about hurt feelings.
Sadly, if she is in incapable of caring for your children to your standard, then you’ll have to say, ‘sorry, no’ and she’ll have to visit you instead.
Of course, she must have a relationship with the children, but you call the shots.