Women are opening up about ‘Ben stage’ of dating to put people off men

Singletons are being warned about the “Ben stage” of dating – and it’s not good news for blokes.

If you’re on TikTok you’ll probably seen there’s been a lot of buzz surrounding the phrase “Ben Stage” after user @iamgubste posted a video two weeks ago.

Since then many people shared their own experiences of dating a “Ben”, with the trend amassing over 3billion views.

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Pippa Murphy, the sex and relationship expert at condoms.uk, revealed her thoughts on what it means if you’re in the “Ben stage”.

Basically, TikTok users are using this phrase to retell their negative experiences of dating a certain “Ben” in the past, and they’re warning other women to not fall for the same guy.

While it’s not specifically about dating a person called Ben (although a lot of women are sharing their negative experiences of dating a person with this name), it’s more about leaving a relationship and realising your self-worth and growth afterwards.

TikTok users posting the trend are doing it as a means of empowering themselves after a difficult period of dealing with a man who was not worthy of their time and attention.

By sharing their experiences, people feel they’ve broken free from the constraints of an unhealthy partnership, and are discovering their own self-worth.

Since leaving the “Ben stage” they feel stronger and more confident after going through a challenging time, and now want to create a TikTok video to warn other girls of the red flags they may not notice.

Pippa said: “We have a tendency to look for patterns in the world around us.

“In social psychology, this is known as confirmation bias.

“It’s a way of using our past experiences to confirm the things we already believe to be true.

“In the case of dating, a lot of people are concerned with finding out whether someone has a ‘bad’ name before they go on a date with them.

“This can range from friends telling you that you should stay away from certain names for fear of getting hurt (for example, ‘The Ben Stage’), or even just having heard bad things about certain names from friends or family.

“So why do we have this tendency?

“The short answer is because it works.”

She added: “If you’ve ever been hurt by someone with a certain name before, then your brain will automatically look for more clues that confirm your beliefs about them being bad.

“And if you’ve never been hurt by someone with that name before, your brain will still look for clues that confirm their goodness (which may also mean you’re more likely to overlook any red flags).

“Science even supports this, too; neuroscientists believe our brains are constantly looking for patterns in the world around us.

“These patterns help us predict what will happen next, which gives us an advantage when dealing with things like predators or competition over mates.

“So, if you’ve been hurt by someone who has a certain name before, such as Ben, (or even just heard bad things about them), your brain will see this as evidence that they’re bad and look for more clues that confirm it.”

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