‘I spotted my friend’s husband on a dating app – but didn’t tell her’

A woman recently discovered a friend’s husband was mingling on a dating app – but she didn’t think she should tell her.

Jana Hocking, a writer about all things dating and sex, said she was looking on Bumble when she came across the profile of a bloke who she knows.

It was her friend’s husband – and she said he was “exactly” the kind of guy who you’d expect to see dabbling outside his marriage.

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Jana said she was then faced with a tough call – she could either tell her friend or keep it to herself.

She took a whole day to think about what to do, but she came to the conclusion that she shouldn’t reveal his secret.

Writing for Daily Mail, she said: “Now, many of you will be outraged by this.

“Especially anyone who has been cheated on before, or currently have their suspicions.

“But my reasoning is very simple. Cheating is never black and white.

“Unless I literally walked in on him uploading his photos to a dating website do I really know if it was him?

“How do I know that it’s actually cheating – perhaps, like a lot of couples right now, they’ve decided to try out being in an open marriage?

“You would be surprised by the seemingly innocent couples who are currently ENM (ethically non monogamous).”

Jana has dabbled with ENM in the past – and it led to many people reaching out to her telling her they had been in similar relationships.

One couple she knew even reached out to her and asked if she’d be willing to have some “fun”.

As well as this, there are other factors that make the idea of cheating quite a grey area – such as loss of libido.

Instead of talking about it, it can result in the other partner simply looking for intimacy elsewhere.

There are more instances of playing away of course, such as having a fling with someone at work.

She said this is often seen when married colleagues go off for lunches together or just seem to hit it off well – even though they are in relationships with other people.

She urged people to put gossip to one side though – and added: “Unless you catch them red-handed in the act, I really don’t think it’s your place.”

Jana said you can’t drop a “bomb” in someone’s life unless you have pretty good evidence they’re doing something wrong.

She admitted someone once told her that a former partner had cheated on her – and she wanted to know all about it.

The only issue was the accuser didn’t have any hard proof, instead only offering that there were “whispers” about it.

As you’d expect, the whole situation led her to “spiralling” – and it encouraged Jana to look through his phone and she’d always be paranoid when he arrived home late.

She said the whole experience drove her “crazy” and she didn’t know who she was turning into.

So what do you think – should you share cheating concerns with a friend or not? Let us know in the comments below.

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