‘Late evening romps with my married lover all the time depart me wanting extra’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who feels used by her horny, drunken caller
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He pops in for passion
How do I resist an attractive man who pops round to my house for sex at night?
He’s married and my house is right next to his local train station. A couple of nights a week he rocks up at 10pm after post-work sessions in the pub. We get naked. He’s got a good body and the sex is hot, but I can’t help but feel used.
We’ve had an on/off ‘thing’ for over two years.
My problem is that I’m lonely and sex starved and find him hard to ignore. He has always made it clear that he’s not in the market for a serious relationship with me because he’s got his wife. How do I persuade him to give me more?
JANE SAYS: I fear you’re in danger of throwing away some of the best years of your life. This man is married and has made his ‘terms’ completely clear. While you’re wasting your time and energy on him, you’re not giving anyone else a chance.
How are you ever going to achieve the serious relationship you crave when you continue to indulge him and dance to his tune? Take a step back and start seeing him for the leech he is. Stop opening your front door and start getting what you want out of life. The thought of this drunken, opportunist pawing you is a grim one.
Lonely this Christmas
I consider myself a good neighbour. I’m friendly with everyone around me. When the people next door go on holiday, I water their plants and feed their cats – for free. They call me a ‘lifesaver’. Therefore, I don’t understand why don’t include me in their Christmas celebrations when they know I’m going to be on my own for Christmas dinner.
The wife has already told me that they have relatives coming over. They could easily lay another place for, yet I’ve never been invited in once during the six years they’ve lived here.
I consider the husband and wife to be good friends. So why am I shunned when it comes to the most important day?
JANE SAYS: Another mouth to feed might be a step too far. The sad fact is that you’re not a member of their family. I get it that you’re all very close and that you feel comfortable in their home, but blood is blood.
It could be that your neighbours already have enough work on their hands with their own relatives.
Get through this Christmas with some special food, brisk walks and socialising with others who are on their own. Be proactive. Are you inclined to offer your services to a charity? Accept that your neighbours do things, their way. Start saving and planning and vow to do something completely different next Christmas.
Tedious mates are a bore
Do I have to invite my oldest friends to my wedding?
I am due to marry my guy next year and realise that I’m a very different person these days. I’m calm and more adult, whereas my mates are still as outrageous as ever.
They’ll inevitably turn up at the church drunk and cause a scene. They may even pull a stunt like all dressing up as brides to upstage me. Over the years I’ve witnessed them behaving like savages at events. They drink a lot and love a row and a fight and being rude. I accept that I used to be a nightmare too, but I’ve changed.
JANE SAYS: I’m sure that you’ve enjoyed some hilarious times with your outrageous friends but if you’re no longer in the mood for stunts, scenes or drunken displays, then you must draw the line.
Some might say it’s hypocritical of you to expect perfect behaviour at your own event when you’ve played up in the past, but life moves on; we’re allowed to grow up and learn from our mistakes.
Draw up your guest list and stand firm. It’s highly likely that your feisty friends will be furious at being excluded and you may even part ways. But you must consider the feelings of your husband-to-be, family and new in-laws. Getting married inevitably heralds the start of a whole new life and you were obviously exhausted by your old one. You’re entitled to have your day, your way.
