‘I desire a free go to bonk my wild ex-lover this Christmas – my girlfriend ought to perceive’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who worries this might be his last chance with the girl of his dreams
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I fear I’ll never touch her again
Dare I have a sneaky Christmas bonk? A gorgeous ex-lover is back in town and has suggested a horny hook-up. She’s in a full-time relationship and so am I, but she’s only going to be around (on her own visiting her folks) until January 2nd. After that, she and her American partner are moving to New Zealand for good. It’s highly likely that we’ll never see each other again.
We first met at a networking event in 2019 and clicked straight away. The sexual chemistry between us was off the scale. We crept off and hit a local pub where we drank, flirted, and kissed. We were both single at the time and went back to her place for an amazing time of booze, bonks and very bad behaviour. We didn’t emerge for three days, and my flatmates thought I’d been kidnapped. She and I went on a dozen wild dates after that before she moved to America. Now she’s back.
Just the thought of being in her arms makes me feel tingly all over. She’s very hot and very special. Dare I tell my long-term girlfriend a white lie and go for it one, final time?
If I’m honest I’d like to push things even further by asking my girlfriend to give me a free pass to have sex with this woman. Is that a crazy idea? It would be wonderful if everything could be above board so that I don’t suffer any guilt or recriminations.
I’ve had a tough year with my job and family issues. I genuinely think I deserve a treat. I work hard, I’ve always been kind and have further challenges coming up next year. But how do I broach this when my long-term girlfriend and I have never discussed sleeping with other people or having anything like a semi-open relationship?
JANE SAYS: Hold your horses because your head is all over the place. One minute you’re talking about having sneaky sex with an old flame who just happens to be back in town. Then you announce that you’d like a free pass from your long-term girlfriend for a holiday fling/open relationship. I’d say that there is a big leap between playing away from home to asking for a sex pass at Christmas. How do you think your long-term partner is going to react to such a request? I’ll tell you; she’s going to be insulted and devasted, especially as you’ve never discussed having an open or casual relationship. If you reveal that you’ve been thinking (and fantasising?) about another woman for all these years, then your girl is going to question if anything has been real. All those times you had sex – were you imagining the other woman’s body?
Your partner deserves better. What about all the good things she does for you throughout the year? The other problem is that you clearly have an emotional attachment to your ex-lover. You still fancy and worship her. What if one night of sex turns into a full-blown affair and she doesn’t go to New Zealand after all? Forget all about this dangerous fling and think seriously about whether you wish to stay with your partner long term. You cannot mess people around.
Cancelled at Christmas
I can’t believe that I wasn’t invited to my old firm’s Christmas party. I worked there for 12 years, and the Xmas bash is always a lavish and fun affair.
I left my position last August. My ex-boss organised drinks and everyone promised to stay in touch. I was given flowers and a card signed by the whole team. During the speeches, several of my closest pals cried. Now I can’t get anyone to return my calls. Worst of all, the Christmas party was back on the 5th – and no one told me. How has it come to this?
JANE SAYS: Sadly, when we’re gone, we’re gone. Your job was your life for many, good years. You enjoyed the company of your colleagues and felt valued and appreciated. But life moves on and the Christmas party was for staff.
Your former colleagues may no longer have the time to chat and meeting up after work is difficult after a tiring day. I don’t for a minute think this is personal; you’ve simply moved on and so have they.
Use your newfound freedom to branch out. Are you interested in another job either part or full time? Do you want to visit friends or new places? Or retrain? You can’t look back and accuse anyone of being insincere; this is a busy world, and we have our individual paths to follow.
Cluck off
My fiancé’s mum is clucking around like a wild turkey. She is determined to control every aspect of our May wedding. From adding her friends to our guest list to telling me what food and drink to serve, she’s driving me up the wall. We’re visiting her house on Boxing Day for tea and I’m dreading her next list of ‘helpful catering suggestions’. She’s the mother of three sons and always wanted a daughter.
She sees in me her chance to shine. Admittedly she’s stumping up most of the money for our big day but how do we tame her when we’re paying a heavy price in terms of stress?
JANE SAYS: Leave your future mother-in-law in no doubt that things have gone too far. Politely ask her to keep her opinions to herself while you plan your day, your way. If you don’t stand up for yourselves now, then she’ll think she can do anything she likes in future – especially if children come along. Obviously, you love your man but are you sure you wish to be a part of this family? Are alarm bells ringing? I suspect you’ll have to be very strong if you’re to establish your own will and personality. Is he completely behind you?
Money honey
My boyfriend says he’ll only leave his partner and move in with me if I agree to us having a joint bank account. Apparently, putting my money with his will be a sign of my commitment. I don’t know about this as I’ve always controlled my own dosh. Why make this such a big issue when we’ve been (secretly) sleeping together for three years?
JANE SAYS: I fear this canny individual has designs on your wealth and plans to help himself to your earnings. Either that or he intends to control you through money, which is a form of domestic abuse. Please think again about the whole nature of this flawed relationship because financial independence is vital. He’s in a relationship, yet he’s calling the shots. Force yourself to look at him in a new light.
