‘My woman snogs strangers and goes loopy together with her mates – I want a recent begin’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who needs 2026 to be completely different
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Party animal
There are two sides to my girlfriend. When she’s at home with me she’s quiet, sweet and loving. But the minute she gets with her mates she’s like a wild tigress.
I hardly recognise the swaggering; party animal I see before me. If I’m completely honest I don’t like her when she’s with her pals. I’m no kill joy, but I struggle to respect the outrageous attention seeker she becomes.
My girl openly admits that her three closest friends bring out the worst in her. Every time they get together, they drink too much and get into scrapes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to break up fights, clear up vomit and drag them out of the gutter. Frequently they’ll go out drinking and clubbing and then call me in the early hours – from various locations – to drive out and bring them home. Having them singing, swearing and shrieking in the back of my car is no fun when I have work in the morning.
My girl promises she never cheats on me, but I know that she gets horny and loves to snog (men and women) whenever she’s half cut. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
At the moment she’s the only one of the four in a relationship. The other three are very much on the prowl for lovers, stranger sex and thrills – basically any kind of saucy fun – and I live in fear of my girl getting swept up in the hunt…
There’s no doubt in my mind that her mates are a very bad influence. Dare I ask her to ditch them as a New Year favour to me? A fresh start and all that?
JANE SAYS: Today is the start of the New Year. Lots of people are making resolutions and vowing to do things differently in 2026. You are clearly at something of a crossroad yourself. You love your girl but don’t like how she behaves around certain people. During the past twelve months you’ve witnessed her getting drunk and ricocheting around with her lively friends. You’re fully within your rights to sit her down and ask her how she sees the next year panning out. You must be able to trust her. If you’re worried that she snogs (or worse) other people when she’s out with her single friends, then you and she need to have a sober chat. She needs to hear that, of course, you’re happy for her to have fun but you have your limits. Calling you up at all hours to drive out and bring them home, especially when you have work the next day, isn’t sustainable or fair.
Does she feel overwhelmed by her exuberant friends? Does she feel she has to keep up with them, or they’ll condemn and judge her? It’s not for you to tell her who she can mix with, but could it be that she’s exhausted and would like a route out? Then there’s the serious matter of her excessive drinking. Is she concerned that binge drinking is having a detrimental effect on her general health, safety, and judgement?
She needs to understand that you require consideration and will not be made a fool of. Sadly, if you are craving one sort of relationship and she’s determined to carry on partying with the girls, then are you suited?
My life isn’t a joke
My oldest friend treats my life like a soap opera script. I can’t trust her with any information about my relationship, kids or relatives. She boasts that we’re ‘besties’ but thinks nothing of gossiping about me and sharing my secrets with anyone who’ll listen. Other people tell me that my ‘dramas’ are her main topic of conversation. Yes, my family is dysfunctional. My partner is having an affair, and my relatives bully me for money, but I don’t deserve to be lampooned. Maybe I should start airing her dirty secrets?
JANE SAYS: Forget any notion of revenge and simply accept that this toxic association needs to end. Sadly, if this woman can’t be trusted and doesn’t have your best interests at heart, then it’s game over. Concentrate on the people who matter in your life. Ring fence your own wellbeing and confront your partner and relatives about their unacceptable behaviour. Are you and your partner destined to stay together, or does he need to leave? Do your relatives need to be told ‘no’?
Just because you’ve known this friend for a long time doesn’t mean that you’re destined to be stuck with her forever. Free yourself by jettisoning her because nothing justifies her undermining or disrespecting you. It’s highly possible that she will be shocked to lose you from her life, but you must draw the line somewhere.
Folks made me frigid
My parents were cold, hard people. They were incapable of love or affection. I blame them for the mess that is my sex life. I know that I’m uptight and frigid. I struggle to relax and let go in bed, which disappoints my lovely partner. I was bought up to believe that sex is shameful and disgusting. My late mum and dad were complicated, hate filled people, who snapped off the TV if anyone as much as kissed. They had resentment running through their veins. I loathe myself for being like them. How do I change when mine is learned behaviour?
JANE SAYS: Life clearly isn’t easy for you and it’s encouraging that you are able to talk about your upbringing and feelings. You are an individual and need to break the chain. The next step involves opening up to your partner and reassuring him of your love and commitment to change.
When you’re ready – and with his support – think about speaking to your GP. Ask about counselling and, possibly, sex therapy. There could be all sorts of reasons why your parents were the way there were, but there’s nothing to stop you from being the person you want to be. You deserve warmth, passion, and comfort in your life.
Our son scares us
Our 30-year-old adult son refuses to leave home.
I’ve stopped cooking for him and doing his washing, so he orders deliveries and wears grubby clothes. He earns a salary but has never paid us housekeeping. He occupies a spare room, which we could rent out. How do we get him to move on when he can get angry?
JANE SAYS: Your adult son can’t continue to crash at your place if you want him out. He needs to grow up and become self-sufficient. Is it possible to talk through his options with him? If he’s depressed, then can he be encouraged to talk to his GP? If ever you’re scared, then you must ring the police. It’s possible that you might have to resort to a legal path in the end.
