‘I caught my sister bonking a builder on my couch – now my entire home feels soiled’
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Fire in her belly
My outrageous sister keeps bringing strange men to my house for sex. I’m disgusted with her and wish I’d never offered her a roof over her head.
I felt sorry for her back in January when her boyfriend went off with his best friend. She was in bits and couldn’t stop crying. I promised to help her, but all she’s done is throw my goodwill back in my face.
Suddenly, single life is suiting her. She’s got fire in her belly and a lust for life. She’s out on the pull with a vengeance.
I work away a lot but have cameras set up all over my place. I can see her having sex everywhere from the stairs and the kitchen tops to the bathroom and my bed. She disgusts me.
I recently came down with a migraine and was forced to leave work early. I texted her to warn her that I was on my way home. Yet I walked into my front room to find her bonking on the sofa with one of the builders from the house renovation opposite. They were both naked and her head was in his lap. It was like something out of a tacky porn movie. I confronted them and lost my temper. Now I I hate sitting on my settee, because it feels dirty and I’ve gone off asking my friends over. This unfortunate incident has started affecting my sex drive too. Every time my boyfriend gets passionate an image of my naked sister pops into my mind and puts me off. My boyfriend keeps accusing me of being a drama queen, but I can’t help the way that I feel.
I want to mend my relationship with my sis because we have always been close, but I don’t know how to broach the subject of her tacky behaviour without losing it. My Mum is keen for us to make up but when I suggest Mum has her at her place instead, she huffs: “No way!”
JANE SAYS: Your sister owes you an apology. She has acted inappropriately in your home and crossed a line.
Okay, so she’s off the leash and is enjoying the single life but nothing gives her the right to use your home as a knocking shop. What if one of her strangers were to turn nasty or rob your home? She’s playing with fire and disrespecting your space. Invite her to sit down with you because a row can’t be allowed to fester. Be honest; tell her that she shocked and disappointed you. Make it clear that you have to be able to trust people in your own home. Hopefully, she’ll then say sorry and you’ll be able to start again.
Suggest she sets to and gives your whole home a thorough spring scrub by way of a practical apology. Get your sofa professionally cleaned and suggest she picks up the bill. If she’s naïve and still hurting after her bruising experience with her cheating ex-partner, then talk to her calmly about safety, privacy and the need to respect your feelings and your place. Remind her that you’re sisters and that you’ll always love and support her, but she has to play by the rules too. Of course you don’t mind her having a new partner, but having sex on your kitchen surfaces and in your bed with a series of strangers is simply not on. Ever. Does she get that?
Lost love
My husband and I used to be a right pair of horn dogs. We were perfectly matched with huge sexual appetites. But then I got pregnant and nothing’s been the same since. We adore our two children (5 and 7), but they are very demanding and our sex life is dead.
I miss the relationship I used to have with my man. He feels it too and we talk about it a lot. But we just can’t get the old sexual rhythm going again. It’s like we’re different people now.
JANE SAYS: It’s fantastic that you and your man are talking about your problem. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and you’re doing brilliantly holding everything together. If it’s possible that you’re exhausted, stressed or even depressed then I do encourage you to talk to your GP to explain how you’re feeling. As for your sex life, you and your man need to start making it a priority again, just as you did before children.
Remember romantic date nights and early bedtimes. Don’t be too proud or too shy to ask for support. Get family members and trusted friends to pitch in with babysitting duties and don’t lose sight of who you as a loving couple. Life moves on but there’s nothing stopping you and your man from enjoying a more mature love.
Fantasy figure
My girl has a tenuous relationship with the truth. She can’t open her mouth without spouting nonsense.
I can’t trust her anywhere near my phone because she sneakily buys stuff for herself. My family refuse to have anything to do with me while we’re together – and even her own family say that I’m crazy to stick around.
She still owes her own mum thousands of pounds she ‘borrowed’ years ago that she refuses to acknowledge. I can’t keep up the pretence of supporting her any longer, especially when people now openly laugh about her being a fantasist.
JANE SAYS: Front her up. Ask her to change her ways and start again. Sadly, if she still has a tenuous relationship with the truth, and you can’t stand that, then maybe you’ll have to rethink this whole relationship.
The problem for you is that you lose your credibility the longer you stick around.
I suspect your girl lies because she suffers from low-self-esteem and ‘bigging’ herself up makes her feel better. What can be done about that?
Will she admit she has a problem and talk to a medical professional about her state of mind? Ultimately you can’t allow anyone else to destroy your reputation and bring you down.
Open the floodgates
I know that my girlfriend is having an affair, but I’m too scared to confront her.
She’s dressing up to the nines to go to ‘work conferences’ and coming at home at 6 am wrecking of sex. I know that I should front her up, but I’m frightened of opening the floodgates. What if I speak to her and she leaves me?
JANE SAYS: Your girlfriend is acting so blatantly that she’s clearly trying to force a confrontation. If she’s too cowardly to admit that she’s cheating, then you need to stop her in her tracks. Tell her that you must talk and that things have to change. Why is she so determined to hurt you? Doing nothing isn’t an option. Break this stalemate by being the bigger person.
