‘Partner swap plan leaves me caught with annoying bloke who bonks like a pneumatic drill’

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Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Pneumatic drill

My partner and I are swingers. We swing with neighbours, old friends and strangers.

He’s got it into his head that we should ‘shake things up’ this summer because we’ve become complacent and set in our ways. He wants to go and live with a like-minded neighbour for three months, while her husband comes here. He says we can still meet up for group sex whenever we fancy but thinks it will be thrilling to wake up next to someone new for a while. We’ve been swinging with this other couple for three years.

But what if it doesn’t work out? What if he and this woman fall in love and if I’m left with nothing? If I’m honest, I don’t much fancy the guy he’s suggesting for me. He’s super horny and a bit annoying. His wife boasts that he’s like a pneumatic drill and can go five times a night. Nice.

In contrast, my man and the wife are mad for each other. I frequently watch them together and there’s an undeniable spark and attraction.

My partner is a very strong, persuasive character who is used to getting his own way. He keeps banging on about how exciting this all is. He tells me this is a great opportunity for us. He’s tying me up in verbal knots and making out that I’m the unreasonable one for dragging my feet and voicing objections.

I’ve spoken to the other guy and he’s not exactly raving about a new life with me either.

He reckons he’s happy to ‘give it a go’, which doesn’t exactly make me feel like a million dollars. How do I make it clear to my guy that I’m not boring but I’m certainly no pushover either?

JANE SAYS: You use words like persuasive and strong to describe your partner. Is the reality that he’s a selfish individual who bullies and bamboozles others into doing his bidding?

You’ve got to be strong on this one.

You’ve got to tell him that you won’t be shoved into a bed for three months with someone you’re not in love with. The bottom line is this: if your relationship is over; if your man insists on being with someone else (and there’s nothing you can do to convince him to stay with you), then you need to walk away. Forcing you onto another man is not an option and not his business – especially if he has strong emotional feelings towards the other woman.

I’m sure that it would be very ‘neat’ if you simply swapped partners and carried on swinging like before, but what about your feelings, your happiness and your peace of mind? Tell him that you won’t have the rug pulled from under you or agree to any arrangement simply to please him. You are an individual and will do what suits you. Then, arrange to go and stay with a relative or friend while you think this all through. I predict that you’ll ultimately wake up one morning and the ridiculousness of this situation will finally become clear.

As for the other guy, tell him ‘thanks but no thanks’ and suggests he now fights his corner too.

This whole idea stinks like last week’s fish – and you know it.

Stolen money

I haven’t spoken to my family for years. They hated the mates I grew up with. Things came to a head when I was 21. I held a party at our house while they were on holiday and £50 went missing.

My Dad accused my best mate. We had a massive row, and I’ve not spoken to any of them since. I’ve now moved on and don’t see any of my old gang.

I’m with a great girl who has a massive family.

We recently got engaged and it was odd not having any of my side at the party.

JANE SAYS: You and your folks fell out years ago and that was a terrible shame. You’re now missing your family and regret the split, but it’s never too late to call a truce and suggest a chat. This is not about pride or blame; it’s about building bridges and being the bigger person. The fact that you don’t even see your male pals anymore, yet the feud continues is ridiculous.

Call your Dad. Ask him how he is and suggest a meet-up, somewhere neutral. Ask if you can let bygones be bygones and start again. It’s possible they’ll be frosty to begin with but I’m sure your parents will be thrilled to meet your fiancée and to hear that you’re happy. If you don’t act now, then you’ll regret it forever.

Girl power

Is it wrong of me to mess around with another woman?

She and I used to work together and still see each other socially. We invariably drink too much, snog and end up in bed. Every time we part, I vow not to see her again, but then she texts and I’m gone again. I’m due to see her in a couple of weeks at a work reunion weekend but feel guilty about lying to my lovely, blameless boyfriend. What should I do?

JANE SAYS: If you can’t trust yourself to behave around this charismatic woman, then avoid her at all costs.

Clearly she is catnip as far as you’re concerned. Make your excuses today. Tell whoever is organising the reunion weekend that you’re otherwise engaged and spend some quality time with your boyfriend instead. However, if the thought of never seeing this woman again fills you with dread, then do you need to start asking yourself some serious person questions about your true feelings? This isn’t about being straight or gay;

could it be that she’s the person you ultimately need to be with? Of course, you should feel guilty about cheating on your boyfriend because none of this is fair on him.

Piggy in the middle

My girlfriend only ever calls me ‘Babe’.

She never says my name. I suspect she’s sleeping with other guys and is worried about blurting out the wrong name in a moment of anger or passion.

I tell her how rude and upsetting I find this habit and she swears she’s being endearing – that I remind her of the cute pig in the film… How much more should I take?

JANE SAYS: If you strongly suspect that your girl is playing the field and only calls you Babe to cover her tracks, then you need to level with her. insist upon the truth about her life away from you. What does she get up to – and with whom? You need to protect your mental and sexual health and know where you stand. Dig around.