‘My spouse cannot stand the sight of me and says she’d quite bonk a hippo than me’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
She says I’m ugly
My marriage is in crisis. My wife and I no longer have sex. She openly admits that she can’t stand me. I’ve thrown myself into my work to please her; earn extra money and buy her nice things but nothing I do or say is good enough.
She snarls that I’m a loser who makes her feel sick. Apparently, I’m ugly, annoying and completely useless in bed. She claims she’d rather sleep with a hippopotamus than me. Charming. She pushes me away any time I attempt to cuddle her or peck her on the cheek.
Recently I experienced a health scare, and I swear she looked happy. My GP referred me to the hospital for tests, but she refused to accompany me to my appointments claiming that she ‘didn’t like hospitals’. I’ve since been given the all-clear but her complete lack of concern is burned into my soul.
For context, when she lost her job and suffered her own health scare in 2018, I put my whole life on hold. I cooked, cleaned and drove her everywhere.
I didn’t see my own family or friends for nearly a year because I was so consumed with her health and wellbeing – and this is how she treats me today.
What gets me is that she’s the life and soul of the party when she goes out with friends and family – because I’m always being told how funny and generous she is.
My life is horrible. I feel so underappreciated and alone. How can I stay in a property where I’m not loved, needed or respected?
JANE SAYS: You are a human being with feelings and needs. Insults and ingratitude don’t simply run off your back – they stab and hurt.
Tell your wife that she devastates you every time she slags you off and takes you for granted. How would she like it if the tables were turned and you started being vile towards her? Can she tell you where you’re going wrong? She can’t simply say you’re ‘ugly and useless’ that’s unfair and rude. Does she have a genuine grievance?
Insist on a heart-to-heart and lay your cards on the table. Explain that you have had enough of being pushed around. If you’re determined to save this marriage, then tell her that there must be a fresh start. Is willing to see things from your point of view and start again? What can you BOTH do to make your marriage happy and workable? Could relationship counselling be an option? Could she might be suffering from some form of depression that requires medical attention.
Should she see her GP for a checkup? Should you get an appointment too? You cannot allow yourself to be anyone’s punch bag. If your wife really can’t stand you and you dread every waking day, then you must make plans to move on. No one could ever accuse you of not trying your hardest. Speak to friends and contact The Samaritans (116 123) if you’re lost and unhappy.
Fantasy land
My girlfriend is obsessed with making other people jealous of us. She pretends we live a fabulous life; that we live in a great flat that her aunt provides for free. She boasts that we have stacks of cash and know loads of famous people.
All a complete fantasy. Yes, we do live in a great flat, but it costs us a fortune in rent. We’re going to her ex-boss’s 50th birthday party next month and she’s already started drilling me about what I can and can’t say about our situation. My head is spinning.
JANE SAYS: It’s often said that to be a good liar, it’s necessary to have a good memory.
How will you able to remember your girlfriend’s made-up nonsense during the upcoming party – especially if you relax or enjoy a drink? She is seriously deluded. I can’t believe that her friends and current co-workers are taken in or stupid.
The chances are that they’ve sussed that she’s something of a fantasist and are already laughing about her beyond her back. Tell her, ‘no more’. Make it clear that you refuse to be something you’re not.
Time to start living within your means too?
What a pity your girlfriend feels the need to make up such outrageous lies to feel credible. Why doesn’t she feel she’s good enough? Have you asked her?
Wild child
I yearn to be more selfish. I can’t remember the last time I let off steam and enjoyed myself.
I want raunchy sex, naughtiness and illicit fun. My mate says that I should join an Internet website and have no-strings-attached affairs. I doubt if my fella would even notice if bought a lover back here.
I used to be a very naughty girl in my youth. People called me a wild child. Dare I put myself out there and revert back to being the real me? The one that grabs life by the goolies?
JANE SAYS: As far as sex is concerned there are always consequences. In order to cheat, you will have to lie, spend family money and cover your tracks.
I’m sure that your friend is making the idea of no-strings-attached sex sound very attractive indeed. But you know that there is no such thing. And what if you become emotionally attached to a lover? Or he or she attempts to blackmail you? Or worse? Don’t allow anyone to get inside your head, or bed and create chaos.
If you feel unappreciated then go back to basics. Start talking to your man. Go out on ‘dates’ with him. Find some outside interests that challenge and interest you both.
Time thief
My lovely neighbour died last year. Now her partner keeps turning up at my house. She thinks she’s my friend, but I can’t stand her as she wasn’t kind to my late neighbour. I resent her eating my food, watching my TV and stealing my time. How can I get rid of her without appearing rude?
JANE SAYS: You can’t allow this woman to overburden you or drag you down. Be honest. Tell her that you have a very busy life. Suggest she broadens her circle of friends and gets involved in local projects. She should speak to her GP if she’s finding it hard to cope with grief and everyday life.
It’s very sad that she finds himself on her own, but she’s not your problem or your responsibility.
