‘My kinky bloke spies on our neighbours’ romps and desires to observe me bonk strangers’
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Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Peeper is no keeper
My partner is a peeper.
He watches other people having sex. He spies on the hot couple over the back who don’t have any curtains. He also sneaks to the local common to catch young lovers and the dogging community in action.
I don’t know whether to applaud his honesty or throw him out for being a pervert. He’s just announced that he wants to start watching me having sex with other people.
He craves the voyeuristic thrill. He wants me to find other men so that he can watch us making out through a hole he’s drilled in the bedroom wall.
In one way I’m being given a golden ticket to cheat, but I don’t know how I feel about this.
Yes, it would be great to choose any guy I fancy; bring them back here and let rip.
But any action I do enjoy will always be observed by my concealed partner. What if he then films it and puts it on the Internet?
What if he openly shames me? He swears that I can trust him – that everything will be above board. We’ll tell the guys concerned everything upfront. He says I can pick anyone I like – I can have as many men as I fancy. He’ll pay any expenses.
All I have to do is put on a show that’ll blow his mind. Is that too weird?
I worry that if I say ‘no’ then this relationship will run out of steam and I’ll be sadly single again.
JANE SAYS: It worries me that your guy isn’t interested in having sex with YOU. What’s that all about? I get the impression that his mind is everywhere except on your needs, which should be his priority.
If you don’t feel that you can trust your partner, 100 per cent, then you must say no to this suggestion. Your man is asking you to find other lovers to have sex with, so that he can watch.
How do you feel about that? Are you keen, curious or disgusted? Is this something you’re prepared to do to keep your relationship intact at any cost – or is it a request too far? Only you can decide. Personally, I feel that he’s out of order. He should have been honest about this sexual need from the start. I don’t think you should have sex with various men while he watches because where will it end? What about your emotional and sexual well being? Surely there’s a chance that you’re going to end up feeling played or used. Tell him that you need to talk about this much more. Does he care about your safety and health? Ultimately, you can’t throw your life away on someone who may be attempting to control you. Being single doesn’t necessarily mean being sad. Not being true to yourself is far sadder.
The very fact that you fear being secretly filmed and exposed on the Internet has set my alarm bells ringing.
Pick me
I don’t understand why a plain woman at my new job can get any man she fancies, while I can’t get arrested.
I’m gorgeous. My face is perfect, my figure is hot and my hair is glorious. Yet my jammy colleague has dated rich clients and several bosses, while I’m ignored. What’s going on? She boasts that she gets offered more action than she can handle.
At lunchtime, guys fight to sit next to her while I eat my sad sandwich on my own. I’m a catch, yet no one gives me the chance to shine.
JANE SAYS: I strongly suggest you forget about your colleague’s sexual conquests and concentrate on your job.
You describe your position as a new one so don’t allow yourself to get distracted. You have no way of knowing how your popular colleague operates or what her relationship is with various clients or other colleagues. Have faith in yourself – and your professional abilities – because your bosses clearly thought enough of you to employ you in the first place.
Remember that you are not in competition with this woman and whatever she does is none of your business. Save any romantic notions for outside of the workplace in your own, private time. I’m in no doubt that you’re beautiful but don’t forget that what is on the inside matters too…
New order
My girlfriend is interested in money, her flat, then me. In that order. And she’s not shy about announcing that to friends and family.
I have tackled her about this, but she won’t back down. She claims that I’m an adult and I can take care of myself, but her home is her sanctuary, and her salary is her lifeline. Her image and her position in life are everything she’s ever worked for, and any loss of status would kill her. Can you believe this? How can she put ‘things’ ahead of flesh and blood?
JANE SAYS: If your girlfriend had a tough start in life, then clearly, she’s wishes to ring fence and protect herself now.
You may not respect her priorities, but you can’t knock her honesty. But she must be careful not to take you for granted. Remind her that cold, hard cash won’t keep her warm at night and that you need to feel appreciated and loved. Suggest she strives to achieve a better home/work balance.
Maybe her cash and home are more important to her than you, but does everyone else have to hear that too? How would she like it if you started dismissing her in a similar fashion?
Energy vampire
I don’t like my son’s new partner. She’s dull and self-obsessed. She’s taken a shine to me. I can’t move without her popping round or phoning me up. Occasionally she’ll ask how I am, but I can tell that she’s not really interested. All she wants to do is talk about herself. My problem is that I don’t wish to fall out with my son.
JANE SAYS: You can’t allow this woman to steal your energy or your time. Don’t be rude but do be less available for a chat in future. If she does phone you, then get in first with an anecdote of your own. If she drones on, then tell that you have something important to do and must go. Ultimately, she can’t become a burden just because she’s self-obsessed or bored.
