‘Wife will not cease getting pregnant and I’ve to faux complications – she desires a soccer workforce’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Locked in the lavatory

My wife wants us to have a huge family.

We already have three children, and I don’t need any more. Yet she plans to go on getting pregnant for as long as she can. She wants a football team.

We’re at serious odds over this. I tell her that she’s obsessed with babies. She counters that she simply loves being a mum. She’s not pregnant at the moment but I know she wants to be so I’m avoiding her in the bedroom. Every time she strips naked and comes at me with ‘that’ look in her eyes, I wilt. I fake a headache. I pretend to have the squits and hide in the downstairs toilet. The other night she literally banged on the door for me to come out but I stayed in their until gone midnight.

I recently bought up the subject of me having a vasectomy. She nearly hit the roof calling me a monster. But how many children do one couple need? I’m already working all hours holding down two jobs. I love my wife and don’t deny that she’s a brilliant mother. We’ve always had a fantastic relationship and can still make each other laugh like fools. I just feel that sex would be so much better if we didn’t have to worry about contraception or getting pregnant.

She says she’s not prepared to take my feelings on board and accuses me of ‘interfering with nature’. My sister (whom she’s in fierce competition with) already has four children and I know she’s determined to ‘beat’ her. But is this any way to live? What if I lose my job or have an accident and can’t afford to feed the babies we already have? I already have enough sleepless nights as it is.

JANE SAYS: I urge you to keep talking to your wife in a mature and rational way. Make it clear that you love her; and you love your children; but don’t feel that you can cope with any further additions.

At the moment you’re stretched to capacity. If your health falters, or your financial situation changes then where will you be? Make it clear that you cherish everything you have together, but you worry about her health, your stress levels and your budget.

Can’t she meet you halfway and be happy and contented with the three, wonderful, children you already have? Aren’t you already blessed and fortunate when so many other couples struggle to conceive in the first place?

Point out that children get more expensive and more demanding the bigger they get.

As for her putting herself in direct competition with your sister; that is both irresponsible and ridiculous.

Babies aren’t ornaments or stickers to be collected, they’re living, breathing human beings with issues and needs. If she absolutely refuses to slow down, then maybe you both need to visit a third party – a trained counsellor about the current state of your relationship.

Snotty lot

My boyfriend and I met via a dating app. Last month he asked me to marry him and I couldn’t be happier.

He wants a big wedding and has promised to pay for everything I want. The problem is that I’m nervous about introducing him to my family, because they’ll want to know how we hooked up. I’m embarrassed that I had to hunt for a man on-line. I just know that my brother will say something sarcastic.

My fella thinks that we should be honest. But he doesn’t know my folks. He doesn’t know how hurtful and cutting they can be. They still tease me about the terrible acne I endured as a teen.

JANE SAYS: It’s high time you stood up for yourself and told your mouthy family members to zip it.

It sounds like they’ve been bullying and intimidating you for far too long.

I suspect they’ll have a lot more respect for you if you finally stand your ground and tell them ‘enough’. What gives them the right to jeer?

If your husband-to-be isn’t embarrassed by how you met, then why should you be? Millions of people around the world now look for love via the Internet. There’s no stigma attached to it so embrace your new life and celebrate that you have someone decent, generous and kind who loves you.

Sleazy club

I recently went on a wild night out with a gang of people from work. We drank loads and stumbled into a sleazy club. I hooked up with two guys who invited a few of us back for a party. One thing led to another, and I ended up putting on a strip show with these complete strangers. Then I had a threesome on a balcony.

The next day I begged my boss not to breathe a word – especially not to my long-term boyfriend.

Now he’s asked to borrow some money. Is he attempting to blackmail me?

JANE SAYS: Look this man in the eye and suggest he contacts his bank for a loan. You cannot allow him to bully or intimidate.

Warn him that you will go to the police if he pushes his luck. Yes, you really did do a stupid thing that night, but you didn’t break the law or hurt anyone.

How do you feel about telling your boyfriend the whole truth? Doesn’t he deserve to hear what went on; if only to safeguard his own sexual health? Of course, he’s not going to enjoy learning about your night of madness – and may well dump you – but, surely, holding out on him now cannot be an option.

No responsibility

Last year my boyfriend was sacked for inappropriate behaviour towards a female colleague. I chose to stand by him. Now he’s acting like nothing happened and is treating me as badly as ever. He’s never apologised or admitted any guilt. Just recently I’ve heard rumours about him also touching other women at his previous job. What kind of monster is he?

JANE SAYS: How can you stay with a man you clearly have no love nor respect for?

Your boyfriend was sacked for misconduct, yet you and he have never discussed his behaviour. He did wrong yet he’s acting like the victim. You need to tell him that there must be some serious changes – and conversations – or you’ll need to rethink a future with him. I think you should get out.