‘Toyboy lover is wonderful in mattress however does not earn a penny – I’m mainly paying him for intercourse’
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Wine O’Clock
My toyboy lover is gorgeous – and amazing in bed – but doesn’t earn a penny.
Not only am I supporting him (and basically paying him for sex), but my two adult children continue to turn up and beg me for cash. My ex-husband and his mother also have front door keys to my place and let themselves in whenever they feel like it. I feel as though I’m under siege.
How I’ve ended up such a loser? My husband and I split up in 2021 when he found out that I was sleeping with his oldest friend. What can I say? I fell in lust and made a mistake.
Sex with my husband had become routine and predictable and I was sick of cooking his meals and washing his clothes. I thought his friend (my lover) was going to leave his wife for me, but he changed his mind at the very last moment. My husband and I divorced soon after, but he’s never really gone away.
Frequently I walk into the kitchen to find my ex, his mother and my lover all sitting around drinking my wine and eating the contents of my fridge. Sometimes they don’t even look up to acknowledge me and that makes my blood boil.
I can’t stop asking myself: How did I get it all so wrong? How did I end up such a loser? I don’t want to feel bitter and resentful, but I often do. Any time I try and talk to my children about how unhappy I am, they don’t want to know. They’re so selfish that all they care about is themselves.
My ex-husband has an answer for everything and my lover silences me by kissing me on the lips, instigating hot sex and telling me that everything will be fine. But will it?
Am I destined to support FIVE other people forever?
JANE SAYS: The first thing you need to do is get all the keys back. Why are your ex and his mother still letting himself into your house, snooping around and eating your food? That’s beyond crazy. Also, you need to take a long, hard look at your lover and ask yourself if he’s worthy of a place in your life. If he’s not bringing anything to the table, beyond the sex, then how is it your job to feed, water and support him? You cannot allow yourself to be used and abused.
As for your children; start telling them ‘no’ or you’ll never earn any respect. The fact is that we only get one shot at life and you can’t waste these important years by wringing your hands and saying: “What if?” What’s done is done.
If you’re feeling lost or depressed, then go and see your GP. But on an everyday level it’s vital that you eat well, keep active and focus on your dreams and ambitions. You clearly have energy and a capacity to earn money, so make this the start of a new beginning for you.
Maybe you did make a mistake by sleeping with your ex-husband’s friend, but what’s done is done.
It’s important that you look forward and make the most of the time ahead of you.
The five hangers on will have to find their own way. Sounds like they could all do with a proverbial kick up the backside…
Unsuitable men
My mum wants to move in with us.
She is destitute having spent my late father’s money on drink and unsuitable men. She wants my two spare rooms but refuses to give up her grubby lovers or her precious vodka. She says that I won’t notice she’s in the house. How do I say ‘no’?
JANE SAYS: You’re an adult in your own right and are entitled to call the shots. From the sounds of things your mum is not willing to make any compromises.
Talk to her again and discuss standards and house rules. Sadly, if she’s not prepared to respect your wishes, then she’ll have to look at her options. If you don’t want your mother’s bad habits in your home, then you must tell her “Sorry, but no”. Does she need medical help?
