‘I demand something I need within the bed room and my boyfriend worships me for it’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Foot rubs
My boyfriend enjoys being insulted and hurt.
In bed, I physically shove him around and make outrageous demands that he laps up.
At the moment I’m demanding loads of oral sex, foot rubs and sensual massages. I bark at him when he gets it wrong.
I refuse to do anything nice for him – and he still worships me.
The problem is that the ‘softer’ he is with me, the more of a monster I become and I don’t like myself.
I’m aware that I regularly push my luck, assuming that he’s going to tell me to “shut up’ – like any normal person would – but he never does.
To say that this relationship is screwed up is understating it. I love the guy, but don’t understand what’s going on in his mind.
JANE SAYS: Some individuals DO get off on being treated like dirt. Masochists derive pleasure from their own pain and humiliation. Whether your boyfriend fits into this category is something that only he can confirm.
It could be that he simply adores you or is a massive pushover. However, if you don’t the like the way you behave when you’re with him, then something must change.
Talk to him away from the bedroom to find out what he’s thinking and if you’re suited.
Unreasonable demands
There is nothing my girlfriend loves more than having a row. She’s always seconds away from kicking off.
The other night a guy attempted to push in front of us in a queue and she had him up against a wall before I knew it. Unfortunately, I’m also on receiving end of her temper. She’s constantly paranoid; accusing me of sleeping with other women and not respecting her enough.
I love her, but she makes unreasonable demands and puts me through hoops. How much more must I take?
JANE SAYS: If your partner is guilty of aggressive behaviour coupled with verbal abuse, then I must advise you to walk away. I don’t care how highly strung or emotional she is, you must put your safety first. From what you say, nothing seems to reassure her or calm her down.
What if her next outburst seriously hurts you? What if she goes too far? Please confide in trusted friends or relatives and find a safe place to stay. Then you must take a deep breath, gather your dates and facts and think about her reporting her to the authorities.
It’s very possible that your girl needs professional help – for which she must be encouraged to speak to her GP – but your safety and mental wellbeing are vitally important too.
This situation isn’t cool or impressive, it’s downright terrifying.
