‘They bonked so exhausting they broke my mattress – now woman desires different lovers too’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Play away
Back in May, I allowed my partner to bring another guy back to our flat for sex.
She’d been nagging me for ages. She claimed that something was needed to spice up our sex life and reboot our relationship.
The evening was torture for me. Knowing that she was upstairs, jiggling about with another bloke, crushed me. They broke the bed and my heart…
She said that I was entitled to a ‘free pass’ entitling me to a night of passion with another woman, but I snapped that I didn’t want it.
Now she’s started on at me again. She says we need another injection of energy.
She’s met a guy who she’d like to get messy with and wants my permission to stray.
What can I say? I don’t feel as though I have any power. I suspect that, even if I say no, then she’ll go behind my back and meet him anyway.
A couple of times I’ve suggested that our relationship could be over, but she won’t have it.
Is she only with me because she likes my salary and flat?
JANE SAYS: You cannot allow this woman to use and humiliate you for a minute longer.
If she only wants you for your property and easy access to your cash, then she must be shown the door.
Clearly, she’s very selfish and only cares for her own pleasures. How does her sleeping with other men help you? The woman is playing a horrible game. Level with her tonight. Tell her that everything has gone too far and you won’t tolerate another man in your bed. If she’d not prepared to sort out any sexual problems with you, her life partner, then how can you continue?
What you’ve got to consider is your sexual health and your emotional limits. Does she honestly expect you to operate a revolving door policy?
She needs to get real.
Sex club
My best mate wants a crazy hen ‘do’.
She’s talking about an expensive European hotel, male strippers, cocktails – even a visit to a sex club. She’s costed the whole thing at, at least £700 each. I’m going to be the head bridesmaid, but I can’t think of anything worse.
She has asked me to organise the whole thing and pay the deposits on my credit card upfront. How do I say ‘no’?
JANE SAYS: You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
Maybe you are going to be head bridesmaid at your friends’ upcoming wedding, but she doesn’t own you.
If you don’t fancy this crazy weekend and aren’t inclined to organise it or pay the deposits, then just say: “Sorry. No”.
Be upfront and honest right now before this goes any further. We have our own limits and our comfort zones, and this wacky idea is way out of yours. She may be miffed, but that’s too bad. What is she going to do? Demote you? She needs to come up with a reasonable Plan B because you won’t be the only one balking at the cost.
Guilty conscience
Five years before I met my partner, her mother died. My girl’s grief is still so saw raw; it’s like it all happened yesterday.
I keep telling her that she should make more of an effort to get over her mum. We’ve never been on holiday together because she feels too much frivolity would be ‘disloyal to mum is six feet under.
I love my girl to pieces but feel as though I’m being punished too. What next?
JANE SAYS: I agree that it would be fantastic if your partner could embrace each new day and start living in the moment, but that’s often easier said than done. Encourage her to seek professional help. Offer to visit her GP with her for support, advice and, hopefully, practical help.
You and she can also check out Cruse Bereavement Care (www.cruse.uk.org). Make it clear that you’re on her side and she mustn’t feel guilty about being alive. Sadly, her mother’s death hit her very hard, but I can’t imagine that the woman would have wanted her to grieve forever.
Surely seizing every day and living a full and worthwhile existence is the best way to honour the woman who gave her life?
