Dear Jobs Guru: ‘I don’t know the way to act round workmates since getting promoted’
Reader Simon has been climbing the career ladder – but he’s worried it’s driving a wedge between him and his work pals. Our Jobs Guru James Innes is here with some advice
It’s always a bit awkward when you realise you’re in charge(Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)
Until last month I was simply one of the team. We worked together, went for drinks together and occasionally had a good moan about management together.
Now I’ve been promoted and I manage the same people, including two colleagues who have been close mates for years. One has already said, half-jokingly, “Don’t forget who your friends are.”
I don’t want to become pompous or start throwing my weight around, but I also can’t let people take liberties.
How do I handle this without my mates thinking I’m turning into a little Napoleon?
Simon, Abingdon
Oh dear, Simon. Becoming a “little Napoleon” (he was quite little anyway, wasn’t he?!) isn’t the only danger here. The other is becoming so determined to prove you haven’t changed that you fail to manage anybody at all!
Sometimes you’ve got to assert yourself(Image: Getty Images)
Your former mates know the promotion has altered things. They may prefer to pretend it hasn’t, especially when that suits them, but everybody understands perfectly well that you’re now accountable for what the team does.
Have a quiet word with each friend. No solemn summit is required. Simply say that you value the friendship, the new arrangement may occasionally feel odd and you intend to treat everyone fairly.
Then behave normally until management is actually required. You can still laugh with people. You cannot join in with gossip about the boss, pass on confidential information or overlook poor work because you shared several pints last Friday.
Sooner or later, somebody will test the boundary. It may be lateness, cheek or a request for favourable treatment. Deal with it early, privately and without putting on your new manager voice. The longer you ignore it, the more embarrassing the eventual conversation becomes.
By all means avoid growing imaginary epaulettes overnight. But don’t apologise for having authority either. Your team doesn’t need a performance; it just needs to know that you’ll be reasonable, consistent and prepared to do your job as necessary.
Think carefully before you agree to do your friends any favours(Image: Getty Images)
Top Tip:
Don’t try to prove you’re the boss and don’t try to pretend you’re still merely a mate. Be yourself, set fair boundaries early and tackle the first awkward incident promptly.
Spotlight On: Favours 4 Mates
Watch what happens when one former mate asks for a small favour. Perhaps they want an early finish, advance warning of a decision or forgiveness for something you would challenge in somebody else. The request may arrive with a grin and a reminder of the old days.
Before agreeing, ask one blunt question: Would I do this for anyone on the team? If you would, then fine. But, if you wouldn’t, then just say no. “I can’t treat you differently now” will usually do.
A proper friend may be mildly irritated, but then get over it. Someone who becomes seriously offended, well, that’s another problem!
Get a head start in your job hunt with James’ new book, The Job You’ve Always Wanted – out now from Pearson at £16.99.
Our Jobs Guru, James Innes, is a best-selling careers author and founder of the world’s leading group of professional CV and resume writers.
