‘We received caught dogging however my kinky man now desires to romp in automotive parks and museums’
Dear Jane,
Come outside
My fella wants winter sex in risky places. He’s talking car parks, toilets and dusty museums. He keeps trying to convince me that our relationship will benefit from excitement, daring and danger; that the risk of getting caught will fire up our juices and improve our sex life.
This is from a man who never feels the cold, who loves wild water swimming and rarely wears a warm coat.
Spreading a blanket on the ground and baring his bottom to the elements is his idea of Heaven – but it’s not mine. Last summer I was very keen to impress him.
We finally got together in July after his left his long-term partner and I left mine.
Admittedly we had a lot of fun times at the beach and in the woods, but it wasn’t so much fun when we were caught out in a well-known dogging area by a neighbour.
We’d hooked up with another couple for a mini sex party, and I literally had my knickers around my ankles. My dog walking neighbour looked at me with contempt, and I’ve never felt more humiliated.
My guy and I could easily afford nights away in good hotels, only he doesn’t want that. He’s admitted that thrilling, outdoor fumbles are his thing.
He loves peril combined with uncertainty. I’m terrified that if I keep saying ‘no’ then he’ll go off and find someone else. I’ve given up a lot to be with him and don’t know how I’d manage on my own as my ex-partner has already moved in with someone else. I need a good excuse. What should I say?
JANE SAYS: You’re an individual with a mind of your own and if al fresco fumbles don’t ring your bells, then you must be honest. You don’t need an ‘excuse’. If you don’t want to have sex outside now – or at any time in the future – then you’re entitled to say ‘no thanks’ and that be the end of the matter.
Your guy clearly craves fun and adventure. He’s not interested in cosy hotels or safe locations. He loves to get out, in all weathers – with the very real risk of being spotted – and take his chances.
That’s fine for him, but if it’s not for you, then serious discussions need to take place. The reality is that the early days of your relationship were fun and free.
You and he were straight out of long-term relationships and feeling frivolous and fruity. But life has a habit of settling down. Your circumstances and priorities have since changed and now, you’re thinking straight again.
There’s no denying that you experienced an embarrassing close shave at the well-known dogging area. Clearly that experience shook you and now you’re worried about your safety and your reputation.
You cannot fear being on your own again if this current guy is not right for you. It’s not necessary to be in a relationship to achieve your potential and be you.
What you can’t do, however, is sell yourself short deny who you really are – and what turns you on. You need to be true to yourself.
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
