JAN MOIR: William will not be capable to sustain his trademark irritated silence on Epstein for much longer

What the hell was Prince William doing in Saudi Arabia, scruffy in his suede boots and open-necked shirt, his lemon-faced presence giving legitimacy to one of the most repressive regimes on the planet?

He loped about at the side of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman like a puppy, despite being aware that he was with a leader known for his authoritarianism and suppression of women’s rights activists, a man who is no stranger to controversy.

It is no secret that MBS was implicated in the murder of exiled Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi in 2018 but he – in the words of the phrase we have come to know so well in these scabrous times – denies any wrongdoing.

You can hardly blame William. He was there at the request of the British government, acting as a soft power ambassador to strengthen UK ties with one of our key allies in the Middle East. Such royal visits are the realpolitik of the diplomatic world and at least prove that the Windsors still have a value and purpose on the world stage – but for how much longer?

We have to hope that outside pressures from foreign governments and the internal quest for approval from more civilised countries just might help to make this repressive Arab kingdom a better place for ordinary people to live – especially for women.

Even so, it still sticks in the craw that the Prince of Wales was photographed in Riyadh with schoolgirls learning football skills; a chunk of pure propaganda giving the impression of female freedom, positive images which whitewash the restrictive lives that are still forced upon women there.

Yes, MBS has allowed women to learn to drive – for this small mercy many thanks – but male guardianship and travel bans are still in force.

So let’s not pretend these little girls are going to grow up to be free and equal citizens, whether they can kick a ball or not. Let’s not be part of the sham.

Speaking of shams, during his three-day visit to Saudi the Prince of Wales ignored repeated questions from reporters about the allegations surrounding Jeffrey Epstein and his links to William’s fetid uncle, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor.

However, he won’t be able to keep up his trademark irritated silence for much longer, given that he has now been dragged into the Epstein abyss himself.

For it has come to light that Sultan Ahmed bin Sulayem – another generous benefactor, a man who donated over £1million to William’s Earthshot Prize charity in 2022 – is also implicated in the Epstein scandal.

The Emirati billionaire and chief executive of DP World – a company which controls 10 per cent of global container traffic – was a big pal of Epstein’s. In April 2009 the men were in cosy email contact when Epstein was still serving his 18-month sentence in a Palm Beach jail but allowed out on ‘work release’. This is how it went. Jeffrey emails his pal Ahmed: ‘Where are you? Are you ok, I loved the torture video.’ The torture video! How sickening. Both men also shared sex messages.

Anti-monarchy campaigners have now reported Earthshot – who list DP World as a partner – to the UK charity regulator and are insisting that Prince William must cut ties with Sultan Ahmed bin Sulayem over his links to Epstein.

Is this just another example of the Royal Family not asking too many questions when delicious, fat cheques are waved under their noses?

Or does it illustrate the incredible reach and stealthy influence of Epstein’s carefully cultivated web of rich and powerful contacts, the depth of which is only just becoming evident?

What is undeniable is that despite his ongoing diffidence, Prince William now has questions to answer about what he knew about Andrew and Epstein and what he knew about Sulayem and Epstein. It is a development that highlights the great Windsor faultline, the fracture at the heart of the monarchy which is the Royal Family and their abusive relationship with money – other people’s money.

It is a development that highlights the great Windsor faultline, the fracture at the heart of the monarchy which is the Royal Family and their abusive relationship with money – other people’s money.

Andrew and Fergie have ruined themselves by their terrible greed, casting a dark shadow on the rest of the Windsors that just will not recede. And now even William and his pet charity are tainted by the Epstein association.

As the disgraced Peter Mandelson said, it is like ‘dog muck that you can’t get off your shoe’.

In the context of this widening scandal, we need answers.

Valentine’s Day is coming and what better time to remind ourselves that the course of true love never runs smooth, not even when you are strapped aboard the sleaze skis and slaloming down the icy slopes of infidelity.

Norwegian biathlete Sturla Holm Lægreid has gone viral at the Winter Olympics after winning a bronze medal then using his victory speech to confess to cheating on his girlfriend. ‘I had the gold medal in life… I only have eyes for her,’ he sobbed, before asking for forgiveness and pleading with her to come back.

The woman remains unnamed, but if this incident is not a romcom by next Christmas, starring Tom Holland as Sturla and Elle Fanning as Debbie Dumped, then life just won’t be worth living.

‘Sport has come second these last few days. Yes, I wish I could share this with her,’ Sturla went on to say.

Should his ex take him back? I am conflicted. Everybody makes mistakes. And the couple had been together for only six months. However, this very public emotional outburst is more of a worry than his brief and bitterly regretted moment of madness.

Yet my sympathies are with both women involved rather than with Sturla, whose sympathy is all for himself.

Deplorable behaviour of these Maga madams 

Pam Bondi and Karoline Leavitt are mega Maga women operating at top levels in the Trump administration. Bondi is the Attorney General, the chief legal adviser to the government. Leavitt is the White House Press Secretary, responsible for getting Trump’s message out and responding to queries from journalists.

While it is encouraging to see women in such powerful positions, it is deeply depressing that the pair of them are so bloody rude. ‘

‘You don’t tell me what to say, you washed-up loser lawyer,’ snapped Bondi, when being questioned at a congressional hearing this week.

Listen to her! She sounds like a sulky teen character in a soap opera, not the highest-ranking legal officer in the USA.

Meanwhile, Leavitt makes it her business to be as arrogant and unpleasant as possible to journalists making legitimate enquiries. ‘What a stupid question,’ is one of her milder retorts. 

Both women might fondly imagine they are being assertive and combative but this is a delusion. Such public-facing government jobs demand calm and measured professionalism, not to mention good manners, decency and goodwill to all men, even thine enemies.

The fact that Trump chastises neither of these women for their bad behaviour must mean he approves of the insolence. What a basket of deplorables. America deserves better.

I’m such a fang-girl over this one-woman Dracula

The bald head, the cadaverous appearance, the claw-like nails? Has Cynthia Erivo been perfecting her weird, Nosferatu-alike appearance hoping that someday, somehow, someone will cast her as the infamous vampire?

If so, her dream has finally come true. Tonight, Cynthia, you are Count Dracula! The Wicked actress and singer is currently starring in an astonishing one-woman production of Dracula at the Noel Coward Theatre in London.

The master is at hand, evil is abroad and Erivo is playing all 23 characters featured in the original Bram Stoker novel. Adapted and directed by Kip Williams, the show blends live performance with real time video resulting in intense close-ups and superb technical artistry.

At one point there are five Cynthias onstage, each one costumed and acting in a different role.

How do they do it, I wondered from the stalls, as Dracula, Van Helsing, Jonathan Harker and sundry others cavorted into view.

It is not all perfect, of course. There were a few titters when Cynthia’s Van Helsing first appeared in a long white wig, looking for all the world like

Gandalf with a nose ring – yes, she keeps it in throughout.

There were even more laughs when Van Helsing commanded: ‘Cut off her head and fill her mouth with garlic.’

And at one point we catch Cynthia putting her vampire fangs in, like grandma slipping on her dentures – was that meant to happen?

Williams launched this form of cine-theatre with Sarah Snook in A Picture Of Dorian Gray last year.

It has its merits, even it if it is theatre for people who don’t go to the theatre. Sometimes it is like sitting behind a barrage of cameras watching a film being made, sometimes it is incredible.

I wished it had been more terrifying and more gothic, but the only real delicious chills came when Erivo broke into song near the end.

I have to say that Cynthia relaying a 20,000-word monologue for 130 minutes without an interval is almost too much Cynthia for me, but with prices in the West End being what they are, those

14 cameras mean that even the cheaper seats deliver an unforgettable experience.

In the audience at Dracula, the young woman sitting next to me harrumphed when I sat down, then when I tried to stow my bag under my seat and again when I took off my coat. Indeed, every time I moved, she covered her face with her arms as if being beaten by thugs.

‘Is there a problem?’ I asked through gritted teeth, trying not to sound like a Scottish psychopath. ‘Yes,’ she replied. Well, what is it, dear, I ventured.

‘I’m autistic and I find evenings like this extremely difficult,’ she barked. ‘That is why I am sitting in a disabled seat.’

But you are not disabled, I could have said. You say you find it ‘difficult’, yet despite this you have bought a ticket for a play called Dracula, not a production of The Teddy Bears’ Picnic.

However, I said nothing. You never really know how difficult the journey is for others, nor the bravery it might take to get them out of the house.

Even if you have your doubts. I did note that she enjoyed and relished the play without further problem or incident, despite the terrors it held.

Dracula would have approved.