‘Edgy girlfriend made me costume in leather-based then ignored me to get off with different guys’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a disgusted Daily Star reader who struggles to respect his demanding, arrogant girlfriend

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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Party Fears Too

My girlfriend has become obsessed with sex and money. I’m struggling to respect and understand the woman. When we first met (in 2023) she was funny and down to earth. My family and friends adored her on sight, and I considered myself one lucky guy.

But since landing a high-powered job last summer, she’s changed. Lots of people now find her stuck up and rude. Mates are telling me not to bring her out anymore as all she talks about are the flash morons she does deals with and the shed loads of money she makes. She’s flying high with a voracious sexual appetite to match. She openly admits that she needs, edgy, risky sex to keep feeling powerful and strong.

She calls me pathetic and weak for being content with my measly salary and my ‘soppy, romantic ways’. Some nights she comes home from work and she’s so fired up, I’m scared. She throws me on the bed, rips my clothes off and demands satisfaction. She’s also really into porn and extreme sex games too. The other week she ‘treated’ us to tickets to an upmarket sex party. The theme was Leather and Lace. We wore matching shiny bodysuits with lace face masks. I’ve never felt so ridiculous in my life. The night was truly horrible with men salivating all over her and me quivering in the corner.

I lost count of the guys who complimented and pleasured her. On the way home she screamed at me for being boring and ungrateful. She accused me of deliberately embarrassing her. What chance is there for us when I no longer know what makes her tick?

JANE SAYS: Sadly, you and your girlfriend now find yourselves poles apart. You hardly know the woman anymore and, unfortunately, she seems to view you as a lost cause.

Her career has taken off and she feels invincible. She’s working in a high energy environment where ambition and adrenaline rule.

If she tells you that she’s never been happier, because she’s finally found her place in the world, then you must accept that she’s left you behind. Surely watching her have sex with scores of other men while you stood shivering in the corner was the final straw for you? What more does she have to do to hurt you?

If you and she no longer share the same humour, values or goals, then you will not be happy in the long term. Tell her tonight that you are not a machine and simply can’t go on living like this because you’re not being true to yourself or your beliefs. If you’re not what she wants in a man – and vice versa – then perhaps it’s time to accept that you’ve grown apart and that this is ‘goodbye’.

How does she feel about that? Does she want to you to part? Is she deliberately pushing you to make the first move or can this relationship be saved? Over to her.

Big baby

I love my partner but can’t stand her idiot of a son.

He’s 30 years of age yet she still treats like a baby. He’s selfish, jealous, demanding and rude. He resents me visiting their home; and goes crazy if I show his mother any affection.

A couple of weeks ago he threatened to slash the tyres on my car when he came into her room at midnight and caught us having sex. He was inches from my face screaming his head off. All my partner ever says is ‘calm down’ and ‘be nice’ – to both of us.

JANE SAYS: All mature relationships will involve an element of baggage, but this young man sounds very resentful indeed. If he’s got used to being his mother’s protector and the man about the house (even though she still treats him like a child), then he’s going to view you as a rival and intruder.

Why don’t you take the heat out of the current situation by instigating a break? Suggest your lady friend overhauls her relationship with her son and calls you again when he’s grown up and she’s finally cut the umbilical cord. Make it clear that you don’t like friction but do expect an element of respect. Are there any plans for him to move out, start a relationship of his own and, basically, get a life?

He talks rubbish

I dared to challenge my friend’s horrible boyfriend during a meal at their house. He was talking a load of rubbish, so I answered back. I wasn’t loud or aggressive, but he got up, threw a plate across the room and then ordered me to ‘get out’.

Now I’m worried that he’s going to prevent her from seeing me again. He’s a very arrogant and controlling person. I suspect she’s frightened of him. Now my friend has told me to keep away until he calms down. But what if I never see her again?

JANE SAYS: Arrange to see your friend on neutral territory – in a café or in the park – and accept the fact that you and her fella are never going to see eye-to-eye or be pals. Hopefully that upsetting incident has made your friend look at him in a whole new light.

If he’s capable of such an aggressive act when challenged, then what kind of life can she expect? I’m not suggesting you come between them, but do urge her to look at how he responded to a reasonable discussion during, what should have been a fun evening…

She can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) when it is safe to do so.

Sticks and stones

I’ve been given a childish nickname at work – and I don’t think it’s funny. I admit that I have an unusual surname that I was ribbed about it in school, but I didn’t expect to be humiliated in the workplace too.

Yet I’ve been warned by one of the other staff members that I won’t be considered a team player if I kickback or complain.

JANE SAYS: Is there a boss or an HR person you can talk to about this? Make it clear that you have a proper name and you’d like it used. This isn’t about you being unfriendly or stuck up – you simply wish to get on with your job and earn your salary as professionally as you can.

Check out acas.org.uk for impartial advice on workplace rights, rules and best practice.