‘Horny neighbour retains sending me filthy bare pics – I do not know if I can resist her’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
X-rated shots
My horny neighbour keeps throwing herself at me.
She’s attractive but lonely. Her partner walked out on her in January for a much younger woman. She didn’t see it coming and was devastated. I supported her by helping with paperwork and doing DIY.
Now she’s become a bit obsessed with me.
She texts me all the time. I get jokes and flirty messages all throughout the day. In the evening, after she’s had a few drinks, she starts pinging over X-rated shots of her naked body too. I’ve seen every inch of her naked flesh even though we’ve never been intimate together. My long-term partner and I aren’t getting on very well at the moment and that’s where our neighbour comes in. Her house has become my refuge. I storm off round there when I’m hacked off and need peace.
She greets me with a cold beer, great food and filthy jokes. She flirts like crazy. In short, she calms me down and makes me feel good again. So far, I’ve resisted the urge to sleep with her, but for how long?
Despite everything, I still have feelings for my partner. She may wind me up but there is something between us. I’m guilty of ricocheting between two women. I can’t decide between the pair of them who I want to live my life with. An added bonus as far as my neighbour is concerned is that she has a lot of money and owns her own place, whereas my partner and I rent ours. There’s no denying that life with my neighbour would be very cushy…
Everything is a mess and I can’t go on living like this.
JANE SAYS: Stop, take stock and come to your senses. If you’re not completely happy with your partner – if you and she want different things from life – then you both need to get down to basics. Why does she ‘wind you up’ as you claim? What do you do to wind her up in return? What are your rows and squabbles about and how can you resolve your issues.
If the truth of the matter is that you have stopped loving and respecting each other and your relationship has run its course and needs to end, then address that.
As for your neighbour; if you have no love or respect for the woman then leave her alone. She sounds a vulnerable, lonely soul who is craving love and affection. If you’re guilty of using her for attention and a place of comfort, then stop it, because that’s not fair. Deciding to shack up with her just because she owns her own property and has cash isn’t a good enough reason if you don’t love and desire her as well. Has it ever occurred to you that neither woman is right for you and that your whole life needs a huge shake up?
Have a good, long think about who you are and what you want from life. Resolve to treat everyone around you with due respect.
Keep it casual
My love and I first met a few months back.
I absolutely adore him. I’ve told him how I feel and he’s not happy. He doesn’t want to get involved with anything serious. I’m scared of losing him and don’t know how to play this. Do I simply accept that he’s my ‘mate’ even though I want and need so much more from him? We’re having sex but he just sees it as a ‘bit of fun’.
JANE SAYS: You have no choice but to respect this chap’s wishes. If you want to carry on seeing him, then you must conduct your friendship on his conditions. He couldn’t be more honest with you. He’s not interested in commitment. End of. If you come on too strong or push your luck, then he will walk away.
All I ask is that you’re not blinded or dazzled by him, because he’s not the only guy in the world. He’s not a nut to crack. If he’s not interested in a relationship with you, then I’m sure that there are plenty of other guys who are. The problem is that the more time you spend mooning over him, the more time you’re wasting on someone who isn’t prepared to supply what you crave. Think about your self respect and your need to be loved before you squander any more of your time and energy.
All a game
I’ve been used. I worshipped my ex-girlfriend.
I lavished her with gifts and paid off her debts. Now she’s gone back to her ex. She was only with me for my money. She was still in contact with her ex the whole time she was with me. She was making him pay for sleeping with her best friend. I’m thousands of pounds down and feel humiliated. I had no idea that she wasn’t genuine. I thought she loved me. I’m so angry that I want revenge.
JANE SAYS: Forget any thoughts of revenge. I understand that you’re hurt and feel humiliated. Can anything be done to recover your cash? Have you been conned and is this a police matter? Is it worth speaking to a solicitor?
Can you appeal to your ex-girlfriend to do the decent thing and give you back any gifts or the cash? Check out victimsupport.org.uk
If the answer to everything is ‘no’ and, sadly, everything is gone, then do yourself a favour and rise above. Don’t allow this tricky individual to drag you down and destroy you any further. Yes, you’re angry, but you’re not beaten. You owe it to yourself to emerge stronger with your head held high and your dignity in tact.
Clear off
My bloke is back from working abroad with an insurance company and I don’t fancy him anymore. He’s returned flasher, bolder and more arrogant than ever before. I can’t help thinking that he had loads of sex with other women out there. He insists that he loves me and wants a fresh start, but I just want him gone.
JANE SAYS: The first thing you have to consider is your sexual health. If your man has had sex with other women, then you deserve to know the truth. Sit him down and insist upon it. Get your sexual health checked out. Sadly, if you don’t love him and don’t feel that you can rekindle the flame, then maybe you need to put this whole relationship out of it’s misery right now.
