Burnham vs Binface as garbage’ politician says Andy will not ‘have it simple’ in by-election
Count Binface has suggested Andy Burnham won’t have it all his own way in the upcoming Makerfield by-election.
The interplanetary traveller turned political heavyweight, who previously ran against Rishi Sunak in the 2024 general election, has had his say on the latest political turmoil engulfing the nation.
In his latest column for your Daily Star, the Count said:
Hello humans! It’s been a long time coming but I reckon this was the week when British politics finally went irretrievably mad.
The by-election in Makerfield has been formally announced, and Andy Burnham is running.
Literally, which we know thanks to the photos we’ve had to endure of him jogging around Greater Manchester.
Can we just take a moment to think about how insane this is? Only two years ago, this Burnham bloke pledged to serve a full term as Mayor of Manchester, and his message over the last decade has been that Westminster is broken and he’s doing things differently.
But oh look! Suddenly Andy has spotted a chance to be Prime Minister, so he’s junking the mayoralty and nicking another MP’s seat. His pitch to be elected is this: “Vote Labour, their leader’s s**t.”
You almost have to feel sorry for Keir Starmer. This week he spent PMQs crowing about Arsenal’s Premier League triumph and even claimed the UK struck a trade deal with North Korea. A hated pariah regime who continually push the rules in pursuit of any advantage, Arsenal have won the league 14 times.
As rubbish as Keir is, the so-called King of the North isn’t going to have it easy if he wants to replace him. Wes Streeting has got his own designs on the top job, despite the fact Labour members would rather elect the Ebola virus as their leader than a friend of Peter Mandelson.
Then there’s the threat from Reform UK. The far-right party is set to do well in the by-election despite candidate Robert Kenyon once being Facebook friends with a Fascist campaigner. And then there’s Nigel Farage, who is struggling to explain away his £5million gift from a crypto tycoon, and how he was able to buy a house for £1.4m IN CASH using his fee for I’m A Celebrity when that money was apparently still resting in his company account. Meanwhile, Green Party leader Zack Polanski allegedly shrank his council tax bill. I wonder if he did that using hypnosis, a reversal of what he once claimed he can do for boobs?
Once you throw in the tired old Tories and Lib Dems, it’s obvious the people of Makerfield need a fresher choice. Someone with a laser-guided focus on issues that matter. The thing is, it’s not straightforward to get on the ballot.
Nominations for Makerfield opened last Wednesday, and they close this Tuesday, with a bank holiday in between. That’s a very small window, the cheeky swines. I wonder who’ll make it. Will I even throw my lid in the ring? Join me here next week to check out the runners and riders!
