‘Bad boys blow my thoughts however my poor husband struggles to make me scream in mattress’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Tacky sex
My husband has never made me scream in bed.
He’s a lovely guy, but there is no spark between us. When we have sex, he humps away while I mentally compose everything from my next shopping list to my top ten favourite songs.
He makes the most horrible noises as he climaxes and then gasps: “How was it for you?”
Naturally I lie and say: “You’re amazing”, but I think he and I both know that he couldn’t make me orgasm if he put on a George Clooney mask and shagged me into the middle of next week. As a result, I cheat (on a regular basis) because our relationship is so boring. I crave passion. I need physical rough-and-tumble and a challenge. I fancy men who are the complete opposite of my husband: Men who are tricky and difficult to control. My current lover is an unpredictable maverick, while others have been wide boys and wheeler-dealers. It’s like I’ve got a self-destruct button, as I’m only attracted to the most unsuitable guy in a room.
With my current lover, the sex is wild and I’m left absolutely exhausted after our afternoon sessions at his tacky flat.
My husband gets home very late in the evening, so I make sure that I’m perfectly presentable by the time he walks through the door. My problem is that one minute I feel alive and on top of the world; I’m invincible. The next I’m racked with guilt and self-loathing. Recently, at a party, I overheard my man tell my oldest friend that he loves me with all of his heart and couldn’t possibly live without me. Now I feel like such a slug for messing about behind his back. What is wrong with me?
JANE SAYS: I can’t believe that your husband is stupid or completely in the dark. I suspect that he is as unhappy with the way things are as you are.
Break the silence and suggest a fresh start. What about talking to him about the state of your sex life? What about getting professional help with a sex therapist and going back to basics?
The truth is that you can’t rebuild or mend your relationship when you’re constantly bringing other guys into your life.
Where is the respect? The trust? Or the loyalty? If starting again with him isn’t an option, then I suggest you sit down and really think about what it is you want out of life. If you’re a thrill seeker, who only really feels alive when she’s taking chances and living on the edge, then be honest about it. Tell your husband that this is not the life for you. Thank him for the time you’ve spent together and apologise for letting him down. But that WILL mean walking away from your comfortable home life. Can you do that? Are you bold enough to step out of your everyday life into the unknown as a single person?
At the moment you’re living a very dangerous and very selfish existence. You’re messing around with other men and that’s just not right or fair. What about your sexual health and his? How would you feel is he pulled this kind of stunt on you? Presumably you and he have been together for a while. Surely your husband deserves a lot more courtesy and respect?
Family from hell
A flash local guy fancies me. He messages me all the time. I don’t fancy him. He does nothing for me, especially as he’s already slept with so many women I know. I have told him to his face that I’m not interested but he’s very persistent. He’s promising me the time of my life – great sex and fun experiences – and won’t take no for an answer. What a lot of people don’t know is that my mum once (secretly) dated his dad and my sister briefly dated his brother. Both men treated them appallingly.
JANE SAYS: You’re a grown womanl. Don’t allow yourself to be put under pressure from anyone.
Stick to your guns and tell this odious creep to clear off. I can’t believe that you’d be anything more notch on his bedpost; another conquest; another boast. Tell him that this is not a game – you are not a challenge – and you’re not interested in indulging his ego for a minute longer. Block him but keep a record of his messages (screenshots). If he starts to become a serious nuisance, or even turns nasty, then confide in trusted adult friends with a view to reporting him to the police. He may think he’s Mr. Big Shot, but it sounds like he comes from a vile family and is to be avoided at all costs.
Under pressure
My boyfriend doesn’t make enough of an effort for me. I like sex and I expect to make love every other night. Yet he pushes me away with pathetic excuses.
He’s either too knackered or there’s something he wants to watch. Several times he’s failed to ‘rise to the occasion’ and I haven’t said a word. We used to have such a loving relationship, so I can’t understand what’s gone wrong. He swears that he still loves me as much as ever. Why is everything such a pain?
JANE SAYS: Sounds like your boyfriend has lost his sexual confidence. If there have been incidents where he’s been unable to have sex, then he’s embarrassed. He uses the ‘too knackered’ excuse to mask the fact that he is too anxious to attempt sex in case he fails to perform and ends up feeling humiliated.
Talk to him about Erectile Dysfunction at a time when you’re both relaxed and he’s approachable. Point out that this is a condition, which many men suffer from, but all is not lost. Causes can range from high blood pressure and hormonal problems to anxiety and depression. His GP will be able to help. Information can be found under Erectile Dysfunction (impotence) on the NHS website (www.nhs.uk).
Threesome on honeymoon
My new husband had a threesome on our honeymoon. He got drunk on day four and went missing for two days. He eventually staggered back and blamed the stress of the wedding and the fact that I want to get pregnant. Now we’re unhappy at home.
His family are telling me to give him another chance. Should I? Or are we already doomed?
JANE SAYS: I get it that weddings can be extremely stressful, but going missing and sleeping with two other women really overstepped the mark.
Don’t allow anyone to put pressure on you. If you don’t feel that you and your new husband can recover from this, then find the courage to call it a day. Do what you know is right and then put all of this behind you.
