‘His playing is driving a wedge between us – he calls me a management freak’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Take a chance
My boyfriend is good looking and a great lover, but he’s also a big gambler.
I am not a risk taker. I don’t like moving out of my comfort zone. I have my daily routines, my monthly budget and know exactly what to spend my money on.
He, however, flies by the seat of his pants. I suppose you could say that we’re chalk and cheese. His energy and his spirit have always excited me. But the gambling is a problem.
We have separate accounts but the other day I caught sight of his bank statement. The man is £15,000 in debt and that’s only on his current account. I have no idea how many credit cards and loans debts he’s also juggling. But I do know that when we go out – and he pays – he frequently tries several cards before he finds one that works i.e. has any credit on it.
The other day I he was supposed to be working from home, and I caught him on an on-line gambling website. We had a massive row right.
He accused me of spying and trying to control him. He screamed that he has everything under control and that I fuss too much.
He claimed that he’d just received a brilliant tip and was on the brink of winning everything back. Now he’s sleeping on the sofa and I miss the sex. If anything, he’s now making me feel guilty for doubting and humiliating.
I’m worried that he’s going to wear me down and try and make me give him money or borrow from others to feed his habit. What’s so upsetting is that he’s a lovely bloke.
He doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, and I love him to bits, only betting is his passion – and that terrifies me. Help.
JANE SAYS: The man needs urgent help. Problem gamblers also run the risk of alcohol abuse, criminal activity, depression and attempted suicide. Your partner is in the grip of a serious addiction. I’m not making excuses for him, but some people believe that gambling is an illness.
He knows, full well, that what he’s doing is wrong, but he can’t stop taking risks. The gambler always thinks that he (or she) is going to win it all back; that one more bet will do the trick, and everything will be all right again.
Sadly, you and I know that it’s just not true. His money is gone and it’s never coming back. If you give him any of your cash, then you’ll just be throwing good money after bad.
I suggest that you check out the GamCare website (www.gamcare.org.uk or their helpline on 0808 8020 133) for more information and support for yourself. Then suggest your boyfriend does the same. Talk to him from the heart.
He must start realising that he has a serious problem for, which there is help. Whether you stick with him in a long term relationship is something that only you can decide. But I would urge you to think about your personal welfare, and what being in an adult partnership with this man might be like…
The Samaritans are on 116 123.
Time to move on
My parents are downsizing and my boyfriend and I must move out. They’re not prepared to give us any money. We have no savings and nowhere to go. I’m 34 and have lived in this big house all my life.
How can they do this to us? My mother won’t have it that she’s being selfish.
JANE SAYS: Clearly your parents feel you’ve had it too easy for too long. Now reality is kicking in and it’s time to stand on your own two feet.
See what your options are and take responsibility for your own lives – just like everyone else must. If that means moving to a cheaper area, then go for it.
I get the impression your parents are giving you a not-too-gentle kick up the backside.
