‘Sex in a tree home was superb – now I’m experiencing the horror of sleeping aside’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Dry patch
My sister died last year. I cared for her night and day in her home.
My husband was very generous and encouraged me to stay with her right to the end. Now I’m back in my own home but, sadly, my sex life died along with my sis.
My husband and I are now sleeping in separate beds as we’ve got out of the habit of being intimate. I know that he’s keen to kick start the passion, but I feel so self-conscious about my saggy body. We used to be so experimental and hot for each other.
We once had sex in our neighbour’s son’s tree house. We were screaming and rocking so hard that I was convinced we’d fall out and crack our heads – but it was hilarious.
Now I feel as unsexy as a wrung out rag.
I also suffer very badly from vaginal dryness.
Should I do him a favour? Should I leave home and divorce him so that he can get his life back with a sexier woman?
I worry that he deserves someone much hotter and hornier than me.
JANE SAYS: Accept that you and your husband are still going through a very tough time. It’s little wonder that your sex life is suffering when you’re still mourning your dearly departed sister.
There can be several reasons for vaginal dryness including feelings of guilt or worry; not feeling aroused and relationship problems. I suggest you start being open. Tell your man that you love him but need help in climbing back. Could you consider getting fit together? Could you go back to basics in the bedroom?
And could you invest in a water-soluble lubricant from your local pharmacy? Remember that the key to great sex and natural lubrication is lots of foreplay. This should be a poignant new beginning for both of you. Speak to your GP if you’d benefit from professional, medical help.
You might also consider grief counselling through Cruse Bereavement Support (cruse.org.uk)
Catty comments
My sister has always looked down on me. She’s a high-flyer with her own business and perfect children.
My boyfriend is sexy and lovely. Our life is chaotic and messy but we’re very happy. Over the years I’ve ignored her barbed comments about my scruffy flat.
But now she’s gone too far. The other day she was round here for a take-away (that I paid for), and I heard her call my two cats; ‘disgusting’ and ‘smelly’. They’re not. I don’t have children and my cats are my life. I argued with her and she snapped and called me a ‘disaster zone’.
How can I have anything more to do with her?
JANE SAYS: Your sister might think that she’s above you but her manners stink. How dare she come to your home; enjoy your food and then insult your precious moggies?
She needs to be told to get over herself. Sadly, if she doesn’t feel that she can condescend to admit her gaff, then you’ll have to tell her that you need a cooling off period. I’m not suggesting you break off all ties with her, but you need some space and things will have to change if you’re to enjoy a relationship in the future. Insulting you clearly makes her feel superior, but it must end.
Could she actually be jealous of your simpler life and your happiness?
Would you think about sitting down with her and asking her about the pressures she’s under? She could be buckling under the weight of work and pressure for all you know.
