‘His mum’s a sleazy swinger – I’m terrified my uptight mother and father will not approve’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Special parties
I’m worried about introducing my boyfriend’s sex-crazed mother to my stuck-up parents.
She is wild and bohemian and just taken up with yet another lover. This one is five years younger than my man and the third she’s had this year.
Her house is a shrine to bad taste with cheap leopard print and pink feathers everywhere. If she’s not bonking on her waterbed, then she’s splashing in her hot tub.
Any time we visit, the drink is flowing, and the music is blaring out. She and I have something of a love/hate relationship. She’s glad that I make my guy happy but thinks I’m vanilla and beige. A few months ago, she suggested I pop round (on my own) to one of her ‘special parties’.
She boasted that her neighbours are very open minded and experimental. If I was prepared to ‘throw my keys in the bowl’, then I might learn a trick or two to my advantage. Basically, she was suggesting that I’m boring in bed and that her precious son deserves better.
I politely declined her generous offer. Yet when I complained to my guy, he defended her. He insisted that she was just trying to be helpful and nice. Mmm…
I don’t think my parents will find her very ‘nice’.
They turn off a TV programme if someone swears. They’re so stuck in the past they still eat Spam fritters and spaghetti hoops for tea. My guy is desperate for us all to meet up, but how do I begin to tell my mum and dad that I’m mixing with a lush?
Inevitably there will be a wedding in the not-too-distant future. I’m already dreading what she’ll wear, who she’ll bring and how she’ll treat any future children we might have. Talk about mother-in-law from hell…
JANE SAYS: You may find your boyfriend’s mother something of an acquired taste, but he clearly loves her, so you need to be careful how you tread. She is the only mum he’ll ever have.
No matter how badly she behaves, he’s always going to see the good in her. Resist the urge to criticise her personally again and concentrate instead on the situation.
Clearly, she’s an important part of who he is and if you’re not willing to welcome her into your life as your mother-in-law, then do you and he even have a future?
No, she’s not perfect, she has some odd ways and is a colourful individual, but she’s not going to change now.
Also, don’t forget that you have absolutely no way of knowing what kind of experiences she faced as a younger woman, or continues to face today. If she’s never actually done you any harm, then stop judging and try to give her a chance.
As for your parents, I suggest you’re scrupulously honest with them about her situation.
Don’t pass judgement, don’t attempt to influence their thinking but do make it clear that she lives a very different life to theirs. Maybe they’ll love her?
Maybe they’ll view her as a breath of fresh air? Ultimately, all of you will have to get together at some stage, so jump in at the deep end and organise a meet up soon.
I’ve got a feeling that your bloke’s mum will be on her best behaviour – for his sake.
