If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Three is not a magic number
I’m sick of my mate flirting with my bloke.
She texts him saucy jokes and meets up with him behind my back.
She and my bloke both swear that they’ve never slept together – but how can I believe that when I’ve been fed so many other lies during the past few months? My fella and I have an unorthodox relationship. He lives in a flat share with three other blokes, because he loves the party atmosphere and the banter. He says my place is too neat and tidy and living with me would drive him round the bend.
We see each other about three times a week, but I always contact him because he’s not much of a communicator. I drive him to bars and clubs too because he lost his license through drink driving and I don’t drink at all. He’s never said that he loves me, because he’s not like that, but we do have a good sex life and I adore him. Unfortunately, so does my mate and I’m beginning to feel increasingly intimidated and threatened by her. She’s a ‘big personality’ and I’m furious with her at the moment. I feel she’s crossed a line. She sends my fella jokes, pictures (some of them sexy) and stuff off the Internet, all day long. She claims that it’s just fun and that I’ve got nothing to worry about.
But then I hear that they’ve been to a pub or a party without me. The other week I was called away to see a sick relative, and she spent an entire weekend with him, at his flat, which is not something I’ve ever been invited to do. It feels as though she’s treading on my toes, but she insists that they’re just good friends. What next? A threesome? Does she literally want to get into bed with us?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you have a long overdue chat with your guy about betrayal, loyalty and doing the right thing, because he needs to hear how upset you are.
If your gut instinct is telling you that he and your mate are messing around behind your back, then you must trust that feeling.
You must front them up and make it clear that you have eyes and ears and aren’t stupid. At the moment, you’re putting up with too much. You’re trying to be a good friend and make allowances for your pal, but she continues to take advantage of your trusting nature and walk all over you. Tell her that contacting your bloke is not on. Out of respect to you, it must stop now. Your boyfriend has got to get tough too. He can’t keep burying his head in the sand. He must face her and make it clear that he doesn’t want any more calls, texts or visits. As long as the two of you are united and strong, then you may weather this threat. If you’re not, then maybe you must ask yourself where your boyfriend’s loyalties lie…
My gut feeling is telling me that they’re both making a laughing stock of you – he’s a user and she’s a chancer – and you owe it to yourself to move on and leave the pair of them behind. This might all be a big laugh to them, but you have your mental health and your reputation to think about.
Too much information
My ex-lover is with a new lover and has reinvented himself. He’s finally working and has smartened himself up. She’s all over social media boasting about all the noisy sex they have. She’s always posting pictures of them in bed with captions like: “Another great session” and “This man is a stud!”
I feel angry and short-changed because he certainly never showered me with affection or made me scream with pleasure when we were together. What was wrong with me?
JANE SAYS: You cannot believe everything you see on social media. Anyone can post a suggestive picture with a silly caption underneath. Why are you even looking at these childish social media posts when they clearly upset and hurt you so much? It could even be that your ex and his new partner are deliberately winding you up. Get off that phone and get a life. You need to finally accept that you and your ex-partner are history. He can paint his face blue and take part in a full-blown orgy if he likes. You can’t let this current situation knock your sexual confidence. Accept that you and your ex-partner weren’t right for all sorts of reasons – that’s why you ended up splitting. If he’s now found happiness and sexual fulfillment with his new partner, then great. It’s up to you to move on and sort yourself out too.
On the make
My blood boils every time my Dad’s new girlfriend brags about all the money spends on her. They’ve only been together a few months, but she’s already moved in with him. She’s driving his car and has access to his bank account. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that her funds her feckless teenage sons too. My Dad is too generous for his own good and I fear he’s being fleeced. I accept that my mother humiliated him when she ran off with her toy boy lover, but his new woman is too much. I’m worried.
JANE SAYS: Have a quiet word with your father. Tell him that you’re worried. Point out that he seems to be shelling out an awful lot of money on his new partner. Make it clear that you’re not interfering, just slightly concerned.
He may tell you that his affair is none of your business but, at least, you’ll have had your say. If he asks for your help, then give it, otherwise respect his position.
Whatever happens, don’t allow his new relationship to come between you two. You are his daughter; you have a unique place in his affections and it’s vital that you cherish and safeguard your relationship as much as you possibly can.
Pride and prejudice
I want to help my sister; only she won’t let me into her life. She has no money and her latest boyfriend is a nightmare. Whenever I visit her, she virtually slams the door in my face. I’ve offered food, cash and practical help. Our mum thinks she’s both proud and jealous of me because I’m doing well. Help.
JANE SAYS: I suggest you call a family meeting to get everything out in the open. Make it clear to your sister that you have nothing but good intentions and that this isn’t about point scoring or ‘lording it’ over her. However, if she really isn’t interested in your help or advice then, back off and respect her position. She can come to you if she wants to.