If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
The others
My boyfriend regularly beds three other girls behind my back. He boasts to mates about all the great sex he’s has with his ‘hareem’.
But these women are using him. They all work at his firm and use him for free nights in hotels, cocktails and lifts. He has a nice car and a decent salary, and several people have told me that these cynical women laugh about screwing him over.
I’ve tried telling him that he’s being humiliated and wrung dry, but he refuses to believe me.
He genuinely thinks they like and rate him.
Instead, we row about my jealousy and my possessiveness. I worry about him. I’ve told him that he needs her to stop mucking around and commit himself to me, but he refuses to see sense or settle down. He thinks he’s a playboy.
He might be a silly fool, but I believe I’m the only one who genuinely cares and has his back.
A few weeks ago, I booked us into a romantic hotel. He adored our room and we made love again and again.
I thought: “That’s it. I’ve finally done it. He’s mine.”
But since we’ve been back, he’s been as badly behaved as ever. I just don’t get it. Why does he feel the need to play around when I love him so much and am willing to give him everything he needs? I know that people laugh and talk about me and that hurts.
My head tells me to let him go, but my heart won’t let me.
JANE SAYS: Do yourself a favour and back off. Stop wasting your energy and your money on an individual who isn’t interested in loving you back. The reality is that your guy can see, and bed, anyone he wants. You and he aren’t married, and he doesn’t even seem particularly committed to you. You must start protecting your heart and your feelings.
You must stop viewing him as a young innocent and start seeing as the cold, hard piece of work he really is. You worry that the other women in his life are using him, but, clearly, he’s enjoying himself. Surely, he’s guilty of using you too.
That trip to the romantic hotel must have cost you a bomb, but was he grateful? I don’t get the impression he was.
I understand that it’s humiliating and puzzling when love isn’t reciprocated. You love this guy and you want him to love you back, but he isn’t interested in an exclusive relationship. No matter how hard you try, and whatever you throw at him, he refuses to drop his other lovers for you.
I realise that you’re not ready to give up on him yet, but how much more rejection and humiliation can you take? You’ll never find anyone decent while he’s still in your life – sapping your strength and letting you down. Time for a change? I think so…
Shock of the new
When I was my ex-partner, I did all the cooking and cleaning and paid the bills. He liked to drink so I did all the driving too. Once I drove him to Devon so that he could enjoy a golfing holiday and then picked him up again a week later. The day he left me for a younger woman; I simply couldn’t believe it. Now I hear he’s wearing trendy clothes and has given up booze. Friends report he’s also cooking and going to the gym.
How dare he use me?
JANE SAYS: No one would blame you for feeling confused, but you cannot allow negative thoughts to eat away at you. Accept that you did what you did at the time, because you thought it was for the best.
But now things have moved on and it’s your future that’s important. Learn from any past mistakes, but don’t allow yourself to dwell. There’s absolutely nothing to stop you from going on to live a full, active, healthy life of your own. Tell mutual friends that you’re happy for your ex-partner, but don’t need to hear any more titbits about his new relationship or lifestyle. That’s not you being small-minded or disapproving; that’s simply you freeing your mind and letting go of the past.
Feeling bitter and angry isn’t doing you any good at all.
Cough up
I’ve met a great guy on-line. We talk dirty every night.
We’re planning to meet up for real very soon.
He’s let it slip that’s he’s a successful businessman. He’s even said that he’ll find me startups to invest in.
But my parents and brother are warning me to be careful. Based on absolutely nothing my brother insists that my new man must be a crook. Why can’t anyone be supportive or happy for me?
JANE SAYS: Remember that your family only have your best interests at heart. This Internet mate sounds too good to be true.
Why haven’t you met yet? Why can’t he book himself into a local hotel and come and see you tomorrow? Alarm bells should always ring whenever money is mentioned. Anyone can claim to be rich and successful, but it doesn’t mean that they are. By handing over any of your money you’ll be putting yourself at risk. Don’t step out of your comfort zone and into the unknown. Don’t allow yourself to be flattered or seduced by someone who could be a con merchant. Swallow your pride, keep an open mind and just tread carefully. Sadly, too many vulnerable men and women are being targeting by fraudsters these days.
Mum’s the word
My mum has not spoken to me for over five years.
Back when I was living at home, she caught me in bed with a boyfriend. She was disgusted and threw me out.
Since then, I’ve attempted to reach out on three, separate occasions, but she doesn’t want to know. Now I’m moving abroad for good and would like to say ‘goodbye’ but she’s still not replying to my texts.
JANE SAYS: Your mother sounds very stubborn. Surely life is too short for this level of obstinance. Is there another adult who could act as an intermediary?
Have you tried apologising or going round to see your mum with a bunch of flowers? Sadly, if she’s not interested in your life, then you’ll just have to get on with it without her.