If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Swing out sister
I used to love swinging but I’m no longer happy watching my wife with other men and women – and I’m not even interested in extra partners for myself. It might sound boring, but I crave a normal, one-on-one relationship.
My wife and I have been active on the swinging scene for about four years. It was my ex-boss who first invited us to one of his ‘special parties’. We were plied with fizz on arrival and told we looked sexy. He and his mates were completely open about enjoying sex games. My wife and I were both shocked and excited. We were flattered into joining in a mini orgy and have been players ever since.
Only things got unpleasant and complicated at the end of last year when my wife started a secret affair with one of our swinging neighbours.
I caught them red handed together in our bed and hit the roof. She’d broken our bond and gone behind my back, which is not how we roll. I accused her of being secretive and cheating even though I’ve had sex with dozens of people right in front of her. It really upset me seeing her ‘making love’ with real passion and emotion rather just rutting in a party setting.
Now we’re at loggerheads with her accusing me of having double standards. She’s right I am guilty of being ridiculous. I have had sex with loads of others, but I’ve always been open and honest – unlike her. She’s angry with me and I fear she’s fallen in love with this other chap. I wake up each morning feeling empty inside. How do I fix this?
JANE SAYS: Situations rarely stay the same forever. For the past four years you’ve enjoyed swinging with your wife and other like-minded people.
It was a lifestyle that suited and excited you. But, at the end of last year, your wife took things to a different level. You caught her in bed with another man. They weren’t rutting or playing to a crowd, they were making love with real meaning, which shocked and upset you. You and your wife now need to go back to the drawing board and talk about where you go from here.
Is she serious about this other guy? Is he a threat to your marriage? Is she sorry for breaking away and doing something different?
My gut feeling is that this is a serious wakeup call and you need to look at the way you’ve been living. You and she are perfectly entitled to reset and rewrite the relationship rules unique to your marriage. If you’re desperate to save this relationship, then tell her how much you love and cherish her. Ask her to dump the other guy and give you a chance to prove yourself to her in a fresh setting. There’s no denying that swinging is not for everyone. The problem is that jealousy, guilt, dissatisfaction and insecurity can be associated factors. Maybe it just wasn’t a long term idea for you…
Plastic fantastic
I hardly recognise my girl anymore. She’s addicted to plastic surgery. Her fake boobs are massive and her nose is tiny. She insists that she loves the fake, porn start look. She says it makes her feel powerful and sexy. But all her mates, and mine, laugh AT her.
I love her, but wish she’d accept that she’s a wonderful, clever woman without all these (expensive) procedures, which drain her funds.
What can I do to help her?
JANE SAYS: If you worry that your girlfriend’s problem is that she’ll never be happy with how she looks because she suffers from a form of self-loathing, then gently encourage her to see her GP. There is a condition called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) which is a mental health problem related to body image. I urge you to check out the Mind website (www.mind.org.uk) if you’d like to learn more about this condition. Clearly you love your girl so show your support by telling her that you care and only have her best interests at heart.
Would it help if she had a distraction, challenge or a project? If she’s become so obsessed with her image that it’s become her life’s work. What about re-training, volunteer work or a new hobby? Work with her in getting through this and ask her friends and yours to show a lot more love and compassion.
I’m a flop
I’m 50-year-old man dealing with erectile dysfunction.
My last relationship ended back in August 2025 when my ex went back to her home country to care for a sick relative. Since then, I’ve been on a few dates but haven’t managed to satisfy any of the women I’ve been to bed with, which is both embarrassing and frustrating.
The irony is that I don’t have a problem finding dates, it’s just that I can’t get my body to behave the way I’d like it to. I’m full of life and passion and not ready to give up on sex yet, but what help is available to me?
JANE SAYS: If you’re struggling to get, and maintain an erection, then you’re suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED) or impotence, as it’s also known. It’s important that you visit your GP so that he or she can check your general health. Don’t be embarrassed or feel ashamed because he or she will want to help. Treatments include medication, such as Viagra; vacuum pumps; Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and sex therapy. Check out Erectile dysfunction (impotence) on nhs.uk.
ED is a very common condition and half of all men aged between 40 and 70 will have it to some degree.
Volcanic temper
My partner has so much anger inside of her that she erupts on a regular basis. She screams at cyclists, falls out with family and has rows at work. Even her oldest mate has stopped contacting her, because she’s so full of hate and bile. She’s never horrible towards me, but I can’t stand the constant noise and the rage.
JANE SAYS: Tiptoeing on eggshells is no way to live your life.
You’ve got to tell your partner, during one of her calmer moments, that you’re not prepared to go on like. Is she prepared to seek help for her anger problems?
Would she consider anger management? If the answer is ‘no’, then I suggest you think long and hard about staying with her, because your mental health must be protected.