If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Prince Charming
My girlfriend thinks I’m loaded but I’m on the bread line. I’m overdrawn and have credit card debts and loans. I like the finer things in life; swanky hotel rooms, fine dining and expensive booze.
My girl is wonderful and deserves the best. I love treating her. She’s very grateful for everything I do and repays me with amazing sex, She calls me her Prince Charming and I love that. The other week I treated her to a pair of diamond earrings for her birthday, and she rewarded me with a threesome with her friend. It was mind blowing.
The problem is that I’m living above my means. I have champagne tastes on a lemonade budget.
I love to treat all sorts of people. I buy drinks for pals and coffees for the women at work. Being generous has always been my way of showing love. I feel terrible asking my folks for subs; they’ve worked hard all their lives and deserve a break from me, but as they’re the only ones, I can confide in. I’m their only child and the other day they made a final bank transfer of £2,000 with the words: “Don’t come to us again.”
My girl and I always enjoy a big foreign holiday in September and she’s asking me where we’re going. I’m keeping her on hold by pretending that I’ve got a fantastic surprise up my sleeve, but I don’t even have enough cash for a wet weekend in Clacton.
I’ve never left her down before and feel such a failure.
I’m terrified that she’ll stop loving me and will leave if she realises that I’m a big, fat, fake. What’s my next move?
JANE SAYS: Your girlfriend must know where you stand, because you’re in this together. Are there any economies that can be made right now? Talk about it. I urge you to get everything off your chest.
I know that the summer is just around the corner and you are worried about letting her down, but this serious financial situation can’t be ignored any longer. Explain that you’ve kept her in the dark for too long but must get this sordid secret out because it’s worrying you and making you feel anxious and stressed. Explain that there will have to be massive changes. Set yourselves a workable budget. What does she earn and how could she contribute more in the future? Are you able to take on a second job yourself? It could be that she’s been burying her head in the sand all this time too, in the hope that you’re going to pull something out of a hat…
Remember that you can contact Step Change (stepchange.org) for free practical tips on debt and budgeting. As for your parents, you need to prove to them that you’re an adult by assuring them that you’re finally ready to face your responsibilities and (eventually) paying back everything you owe.
The truth is that a champagne lifestyle isn’t reality. You may see people showing off in magazines, on TV programmes or online but you need to separate fakery from fact.
Costly mistake
My daughter has only been married a few months but I’m being told that the marriage is already in trouble. Her friends tell me that her new husband is drinking too much and staying out late with his mates.
My daughter is desperate a baby but, apparently, he’s announced that he doesn’t want children – ever. I ring her every day, but she gets cross when I dig deep and ask how things are going. I’ve heard that they’re currently away on a make-or-break holiday. I’m so worried. What can I say to make things better? The wedding cost a fortune.
JANE SAYS: Has your daughter asked for your opinion or your help? If she hasn’t, then the best thing you can do is mind your business and leave the young couple to sort things out for themselves. If your daughter and her man are having relationship problems, then the last thing they need is you twittering away in the background.
This about two adults getting used to married life and navigating the future. Of course, your daughter needs to know that you’re always there for her but only get involved if she expressly asks for support.
Take a step back and get on with your own life. The cost of the wedding is immaterial because what’s done is done. There’s nothing to be gained from making yourself anxious.
Cruel accusation
My partner is furious with me. She’s on the jabs and has lost a load of weight. She’s also updated her wardrobe with sexy underwear. A few weeks ago, I accused her of making herself attractive for other men and she threw me out.
Now I’m back home, but still in the doghouse.
She rants that I hurt and insulted her with my childish accusation – that she has lost weight for herself and me.
I’m tearing my hair out.
JANE SAYS: I trust that you’ve made a whole-hearted apology for doubting your partner. If you haven’t, then do it now. Be honest, tell her that you made a genuine mistake for which you’re very sorry. Then ask if you can wipe the slate clean and start again. Yes, you insulted and hurt her. You were wrong but her super sulk can’t continue forever. How about date nights, kind gestures or a weekend away, just the two of you?
As for the state of your mind; I strongly urge you to visit your GP for help. Remember that you can always contact The Samaritans (116 123) at any time. Sadly, if you and she really can’t get past this, then you will have to think about moving on.
Separation anxiety
My girl is making it increasingly difficult for me to see my family. They only live 50 miles away and are getting on. Every time I suggest a summer visit, she comes up with an excuse. She’s even ruled out Christmas as she’s determined to go to her sister’s new house.
Yet when I offer to go and see my Mum and Dad on my own, she sulks.
JANE SAYS: Stand up for yourself and tell your girlfriend ‘no’ or she’ll alienate you from your people and crush your confidence. Is she so controlling that she won’t ‘allow’ you to see your folks for a couple of days? You are an individual. Speak to your parents, get a date in the diary and just go. Consider the (unhealthy) nature of your relationship with your girl.