If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Naughty games
I’m secretly sleeping with my mate’s girl. She is delicious. I know this is wrong, but she has the most amazing, soft body and I crave her every hour of the day.
I work from home and she’s working on a start-up. She started coming round here about six weeks ago after my mate asked me to give her a few lessons on my computer. Well, spreadsheets quickly turned to bed sheets, and we first made love one sunny afternoon while my partner was working away in Manchester.
Since then, my lover has been sneaking in the back door most days for a shot of vodka and some very naughty games. We run around the house naked; we hop into next door’s hot tub and make films of each other masturbating and playing with sex toys.
We’ve had sex on every chair, stair and piece of carpet in this place, and she’s got bruises on her bum from the hard, granite kitchen worktop.
Several times my partner has asked me if I have a mate over in the day. She’s got eyes like a hawk and notices if a toilet roll has been changed or a single towel is out of place, therefore I’ve had to make up a series of imaginary business contacts who come here to brainstorm ideas. I’m increasingly in over my head.
I felt terrible about lying but simply can’t contemplate telling the truth. As for my lover she thinks the whole thing is a scream. She’s bored out her brains at home and angry with her boyfriend (my mate) because she feels he doesn’t pay her enough attention. If I’m honest, I don’t know how much I can trust her to keep our daily flings a secret.
JANE SAYS: Clearly your hardworking partner knows something is up, but it’s imperative that she hears the truth from you. Stop playing games and sort your life out.
At the moment you are out of control, not only are you having sex with your mate’s girl, but you’re lying to your partner, weaving a tissue of lies and not actually doing much work in the meantime. Surely, you’re smart enough to know that everything will come crashing down eventually? This current situation is unreal and can’t go on.
You’ve allowed yourself to get carried away by a fascinating girl who makes you laugh and fills your afternoons with lust.
But it’s not right, is it?
Your lover is clearly only in it for a bit of fun; she’s bored, angry and desperate for a challenge and some attention. But this is your relationship and your life that you’re putting in jeopardy. What on earth have your partner and your mate ever done to expect this kind of treatment? Come clean with everyone and do the right thing. Apologise, grovel and ask for forgiveness.
Maybe your partner will throw you out and your mate will never speak to you again, but that’s a chance you just have to take. But what’s crystal clear is that you can’t go on like this.
Life of grime
My new girlfriend is unbelievably messy.
She and I moved into this flat four months ago and it already looks like a tip. She never puts or throws anything away. I do the washing up and change the bed, but she does nothing.
She says that housework bores her and is a waste of time. I feel that I do my bit to keep us from drowning in clothes, shoes and rubbish in general. But she doesn’t notice the grime. The floor’s not been vacuumed for ages and the bathroom is disgusting.
My old friends and family keep asking me when we’re going to have a house-warming party but there’s no way that I could invite anyone in here; I’d have to get industrial cleaners in first. My ex-partner and I loved to entertain. Our old flat was party central, with mates coming and going all the time and I miss that.
JANE SAYS: If your girlfriend grew up in a tip; if her childhood home was filthy and chaotic, then maybe she doesn’t know any better. I suggest you take her back to basics by explaining that you can’t live like this.
Not only is dirt bad for the health, but living in squalor brings us down emotionally too. Make blitzing your new home together a priority and a project.
Sort out stuff for recycling and charity stops and be ruthless. Once it’s tidy, then it’ll be easy to maintain long term. I can assure you that you’ll both feel good when it’s done and you’ve got your home back. Just make sure that you don’t get back into bad habits.
Sadly, if you and she simply aren’t on the same wavelength, then you’ll have to rethink this arrangement.