If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Predator
My girlfriend and I aren’t having sex because she says it’s too messy. Any time I go near her she accuses me of being a sex manic. The problem is that she’s become an obsessive neat freak.
Our place is now so immaculate that I’m frightened to breath. She won’t have friends over and we’re not crumpling the sheets…
The other day I decided to be spontaneous. I attempted to make love to her on the sofa. She went crazy. She screamed at me for messing up the cushions and being a ‘predator’.
She never used to be like this. When we first met, she was fun and carefree. We used to make love everywhere – outdoors, on roof tops, in parks – but she’s become so picky and uptight.
I’ll admit that losing her job back in December was a big blow for both of us. She was a high-flyer and losing her salary has been a huge loss.
I’m working twice as hard to make up for it.
At first, she threw herself into getting her mum into a supported living unit. She sold the family home and dealt with all the paperwork and legal stuff.
Then she turned her attention – and considerable energy – into sprucing up our pad, which now looks sensational. Only it’s purely a case of ‘look but don’t touch’ in ALL areas – and I’m as frustrated as hell.
How do I get her to calm down and stop being so obsessive and retentive?
I have suggested she looks for a new position in the workplace, but I fear her confidence has been shot to pieces. She keeps saying: “Who would have me?” She was half expecting her old boss to find her a job at her new firm, but she’s stopped returning calls, which is a big blow.
JANE SAYS: Unfortunately, your underemployed girlfriend is anxious and bored. She’s gone from highflyer to extreme homemaker, but now that your house is finished, she’s kicking her heels.
She’s someone who is used to being challenged and suddenly feels superfluous and scared.
Keeping the house clean is her only way of maintaining control, but she’s throwing her time – and her talents away.
What are you and she doing about finding her a new position? Her confidence may be shot to pieces, but she’s got to pick herself up and crack on. Does she need to retrain? Gain different experience or further her education? Can friends, other old colleagues or contacts help?
If going back into her old profession isn’t an option, then how about her using her newly discovered decorating skills and energy to start a new career as a designer or even a professional cleaner? There’s nothing wrong with getting the hands dirty if there’s a pay packet at the end of it.
Encourage her. Tell her that you believe in her, that you’re on her side and that she can do and be anything she wants to be. Also suggest she visits her GP if she really can’t cope.
Moggy horror
My girlfriend loves her cats more than she loves me. She knows that I’m seriously allergic to fur but has just got two, new kittens to add to the two cats she already has.
When I tell her that I don’t want the cats on the bed, she calls me cruel – then does exactly what she wants anyway. What must I do with her?
JANE SAYS: Would your girlfriend be happier going it alone? Perhaps she’s finally ready to be completely independent again? Explain how insulting you find her attitude.
Okay she loves her cats, but if she isn’t willing to make compromises then what do you mean to her? I get the feeling that she’s actively trying to goad you into a make-or-break confrontation. Have you considered that?