An online dater has revealed the daily bombardment of vile messages ridiculing her wheelchair – with men even wanting to ‘have sex with a Transformer’. Phoebe Smith has been single for a year and downloaded Hinge and Tinder in January to start looking for her perfect match.
But after installing the apps on her phone, the 28-year-old claims she has been inundated with inappropriate messages about her sex life due to being in a wheelchair. On her dating profile, Phoebe is seen to use her disability as a topic in some of her prompts on the apps such as stating her ‘wheelchair is included’ and that it’s a deal breaker if her potential suitor ‘can’t drive’.
Despite this, she says most men’s opening statements to her after ‘matching’ is often a joke about her disability or wheelchair use. Phoebe claims some lads take it even further by making inappropriate comments about her sex life due to being disabled.
The worst ‘pick-up line’ she claims she has ever received was from a guy who claims he had a ‘fetish’ about dating someone in a wheelchair. The opening message to Phoebe read: “Actually got a fetish…always wanted to be with someone in a wheelchair.”
The singleton said she didn’t even bother responding to this message and quickly reported it to Hinge as she found it ‘concerning’.
Phoebe was diagnosed with Friedreich’s Ataxia when she was 18, which is a hereditary neurodegenerative disease that causes progressive damage to the nervous system. Her symptoms began in her late teens and included a loss of balance and mobility issues, and she has been using a wheelchair since the age of 22.
Alongside receiving messages asking if her ‘bottom half still works?’, other men have been seen to send her opening lines making references to ‘meals on wheels’, ‘Hot Wheels’ and ‘Transformers’. One lad on Tinder sent her: “Never sh*gged a transformer before. I feel bad coz you can’t stand up for yourself.”
Another guy on the app said: “Can I do a wheelie in your chair with you on top of me.” A third messaged her Hinge saying: “Been a minute since I’ve played with Hot Wheels, wanna help me change that? X”
To get her own back, Phoebe has now shared a selection of the messages she has received from male Hinge and Tinder users on social media. She says the inappropriate messages have seen her delete and redownload both apps multiple times as she finds it ‘draining’.
Phoebe, from Canvey Island in Essex, said: “The main thing I get asked is if I can still have sex. It’s normally like, ‘can you still f***? If I’m being honest, it doesn’t affect me too much anymore because I feel sorry for people like this as they’re so ignorant.
“But if they were to message someone like that that had just been diagnosed or had been through a traumatic accident and had no confidence and were trying to put themselves out there, that could really affect someone’s confidence. I think they’re trying to be funny with these comments.
“If they first message me either about how I look or my chair, I won’t respond because it’s clear they are messaging me for one thing. If they’re bad I will report them. There was a guy that said he had fetish for people in wheelchairs and I reported this because it was concerning.
“I don’t think they always mean anything by it [these comments] but if I don’t respond in a way they like, they can get a bit nasty or hostile. That’s not someone I want in my life.
“I get loads of these messages. I would get a rude message more than I get a nice one. I get at least one a day. I think it’s harder to use dating apps with a disability in a way but then I did meet my ex-boyfriend on Tinder. If they [dating app users] ask in a nice way, I will explain [my disability]. I’ve got nothing to hide, but if they’re going to ask in a rude way, they can f*ck off.”
After sharing some of the messages Phoebe has received this year on dating apps to social media, one of her videos racked up more than 900 likes and 50 comments. Phoebe said: “If you want to embarrass me or speak to me like that, [I’ll put you online]. If you’re going to embarrass me, I’ll embarrass you back.
“A lot of the commenters think [the messages I receive] are shocking. They’re like ‘Oh my God, that is disgusting’. I’ve deleted the apps on and off for months and months. It’s exhausting.”
On social media, users were quick to comment on Phoebe’s dating app experience and couldn’t believe some of the messages she had received.
One user said: “Oh girl you are so better off single, men are ar*eholes.” Another added: “F*cking hell, getting worse. Never forget though you’re beautiful and deserve so much more. Love ya.”
A third said: “Girl you’re actually a saint for even responding to half of these. Men are gross.” A fourth added: “Where do they get the audacity? Someone please tell me.” Hinge and Tinder were contacted for comment.
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