If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Cold feet
My fiancée thinks she might be bisexual. She wants to try having sex with women for a while.
We’re supposed to be getting married next June. We had agreed to send out the ‘keep the date’ notices in January. Now that’s all up in the air.
She says she can’t ‘live a lie’. She’s fallen for a woman she met online and fancies a sexual fling with her. Apparently, I’ll just have to wait and see what happens. She’s begging me not to tell anyone in her family the truth because they won’t understand.
I’m to pretend that I’m the one asking for a break from her. She wants me to come up with a story about getting cold feet. But why should I lie when all she’s done is stall and humiliate me?
We were first due to marry in 2022, but she put that off because she felt I was rushing her. I tried to get the ball rolling again in 2024, but she complained that what I was planning (registry office and pub lunch) was cheap and nasty and she craved a fancier do. Now she’s decided that she could be into women, and I’m simply expected to sit and wait, in case she wants to come back.
She’s putting a huge amount of pressure on me to do as she says. She claims that if I don’t toe the line, then her very traditional parents will write her out of their wills and cut her off without a penny.
I’ve met her parents hundreds of times, and they don’t strike me as the ogres she makes them out to be. But she insists that I don’t know them like she does. Why should I be expected to dance to her tune?
JANE SAYS: I suspect this all comes down to money. Your long-term girlfriend is so obsessed with ring-fencing her parents’ assets that she needs you as her acceptable front. But if she isn’t serious about becoming your wife, then she must set you free.
I don’t understand why you allow this woman to treat you like a fool. If she’s not interested in marrying you, then show her the door. It’s not your job to cover for her or give her an alibi in the face of her traditional parents.
If she really is bisexual, then that’s something that she needs to deal with.
She can’t simply expect you to hang around in case a gay relationship with her online interest doesn’t work out. Tell her today that you’re tired of her games because you’re better than this. All you want to do get on with your life in the simplest way possible, with someone who loves and respects you. Not someone who is desperate to keep her options open.
Tell her that you’re sorry, but you’re not prepared to waste the best years of your life hiding in the shadows. She needs to deal with her true sexuality and her parents in her way, because she’s let you down one time too many.
Don’t you dare feel guilty for standing up for yourself and don’t fall for any more sob stories or any emotional blackmail either.
Wreck and roller
My girlfriend is obsessed with renovating and decorating our house. She drools over panelling and paint colours.
Now she’s muttering about converting the garage into a flat. I just want us to calm down and enjoy our home. Also, I’m worried that once this place is completed that she’ll start banging on about starting all again in another wreck.
JANE SAYS: Discuss the future and be honest about your needs and desires. Tell her that you want to get out more – with her. How about long walks or taking up a new interest together?
our girl must realise that there is life beyond renovations, and she must be more flexible and less diy-obsessed if this relationship is to survive.