‘My diva girlfriend is dynamite in mattress however hotheaded – I concern she’ll go away me’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who adores his feisty girlfriend but worries she’ll soon grow tired of him
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
She’s on a hairline trigger
My girlfriend is incapable of keeping friends, holding down jobs or maintaining relationships.
She only speaks to three members of her family (having fallen out with everyone else) and has had four jobs in the time I’ve known her. When I first met her in 2023, she was bosom buddies with three women who lived locally. They did everything together and had matching tattoos. One night, in a bar, my girl flipped out because she thought the others were laughing at her new outfit. A massive row ensued. She smashed her drink to the ground, called everyone a rude name and stormed out. Now she refuses to speak to any of them and describes them as her ‘sworn enemies’. But I’ve heard they did nothing wrong…
I would describe my girl as hot headed and on a hairline trigger. Ours is a challenging, passionate relationship. The sex is amazing and she can be very funny and entertaining one minute – but a complete diva the next. I worry that I’m living on borrowed time. Is she eventually going to blow up and dump me too?
We’ve just moved onto a new estate. The neighbours are friendly and there’s a big social scene with a local WhatsApp group and drinks and street parties.
The problem is that my girl gets too close to new people, too fast and too intensely – and then everything goes up in smoke. She becomes jealous when friends get friendly with other people and cross when she feels that she’s not being paid enough attention or respected. How do I attempt to tame and contain her when she’s a volatile as hydrogen?
JANE SAYS: I think it’s vital you talk to your girl about this pattern of behaviour. Doesn’t it upset her to constantly fall out with folk? Not speaking to members of her own family, bar three, is a tragedy that must be addressed.
Encourage her to swallow her pride in order to meet her other relatives halfway. Offer to act as a peacemaker/go-between if that will help. Ultimately can she be encouraged to calm down and not go charging in the next time she meets someone who impresses her?
Make the point that this new start, on your new estate, is important to you. You and she have moved to a different location for a fresh beginning. Can she assure you that you won’t face the same fate as those who have gone before you?
Be honest. Discuss your fears. Let her know that you care about her but point out that you’re not stupid or made of stone. Would she benefit from speaking to her GP about her emotional state and fragmented personal history? It’s possible that she’d benefit from counselling or even medication. Ultimately, you need to think about yourself and your own heart. If you ultimately feel that you’ll be bawled out and tossed aside like all the others who have gone before you then is it in your interests to bail out first? Think about your life and how you wish to live it.
Sister is a pest
My sister has always resented me. She regularly tells me how ‘lucky’ I am. She loathes my husband and can never find anything positive to say about my home, children or achievements. She exhausts me but I continue to feel responsible for her because our parents died years ago and I’m all she’s got.
Usually, she comes and stays with us for a week in February, which is purgatory. Now she’s saying that, perhaps, she should come and live locally so that she can hang out at my house every day. I can’t stand this. When do I start to live my own life?
JANE SAYS: Your sister can live anywhere she likes but you’re entitled to put your foot down regarding your home and your limitations. If she does decide to move closer to you, then point out that it won’t be possible for her to drift in and out of your home at will. It’s unfortunate that she feels so unfulfilled and jealous, but you have your family to consider.
Could you and she have a chat where you gently tell her that her attitude has to change. She needs to hear that you will not apologise or be constantly ‘punished’ simply because your life has taken a different turn. Does she need professional or practical help in kick starting her relationships and career?
I think she loves me
I started using escorts after my wife died. I was so lonely. I’ve been seeing a particular woman for a few months and appreciate the natural ‘girlfriend experience’ she provides. To see us out together, you’d simply assume we’re a normal couple. She’s very attractive and the sex is fantastic.
I’m convinced she likes or even loves me. I believe our relationship has shifted to something real. How do I convince her of my love and commitment and convince her to dump her other clients and take a chance on me alone?
JANE SAYS: I hate to burst your bubble, but you have to realise that this woman is playing a role and putting on an act. I’m sure she’s very kind and convincing when you’re together because she’s a professional. Don’t confuse a financial transaction with attraction. Losing your wife must have been devastating. Seeing this woman has clearly got you through a difficult time.
Now you need to consider where you go from here. Are you ready for a conventional relationship with someone who is single and uncomplicated? Can friends introduce you to new people? Do you still have unresolved grief issues, in which case speak to your GP. Protect yourself because you’re still vulnerable and raw.
Showtime
Should I warn my friend that her husband-to-be is planning to perform a self-penned song and do a tap dance at their June wedding? He’s let me in on the secret, and it sounds awful. My mate will be mortified. She is not a person who likes overt displays of affection. I worry that she’ll blame me for ruining her special day.
JANE SAYS: Keep out of your friend’s wedding and leave her man to do whatever he wants. He’s the one marrying her and if he fancies doing something unusual and special then that’s his call. Who are you – or she – to comment or snigger?
I suggest you give him a chance to dazzle in the spotlight and then clap and cheer him as loudly as you can. After all, that’s what friends are for.
