‘I bonked cocky bloke throughout sun-soaked vacation however now he is stalking me’
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Going down fighting
A holiday romance has turned sour.
I’m being plagued by a guy I enjoyed a fling with – and I don’t know how to get him off my back.
Last month I flew out to The Canaries with three friends for a week in the sun. We booked into a lovely hotel and treated ourselves to spa treatments, cocktails, lovely meals – the lot.
On the third night we met a group of fit lads. I immediately hit it off with one guy. He was cocky, entertaining and fun. He made me laugh after a difficult few months at home.
We fell into bed with each other straight away and had fantastic sex. After that we hung out for the remainder of the holiday. However, he’s now stalking me and driving me nuts. The problem is that he simply won’t leave me alone or accept that we can’t sustain a relationship because I live at one end of the country and he’s at the other. I dread his endless texts and calls. I feel sick every time he drones on about how amazing and beautiful I am. Then my toes curl when he starts saying how lonely and unhappy he is; how I’m the only thing he’s got in his life and how he doesn’t know how he’d survive if I dumped him…
It’s emotional blackmail all the way and I feel responsible and beholden to someone I hardly know. Things are further complicated by my mates and parents constantly asking me if I’ve dumped him yet. I’m lying through my teeth saying I have, but I haven’t.
Meanwhile I’m now also sleeping with a local guy from my work who is fantastic and easy going. How do I finally sort this all out?
JANE SAYS: You owe it to your holiday romance to make the final split. You must be honest and tell him that your relationship has no future. Apart from the fact that you live miles apart, you simply aren’t in love with him. It’s sad, unpleasant and unfortunate, but you can’t force the love or pretend to be something you’re not. Ask him to listen and respect your decision when you tell him that you’re moving on and can no longer have any more to do with him. No more calls, no more texts and no future reconciliation. If he is suffering from depression or has personal and mental health issues, then he needs to speak to his GP as a matter of urgency. But what he can’t do is keep half-threatening self-harm and making you feel responsible for his future happiness – because you have your own life to lead. He can also call The Samaritans (116 123).
I’m sure that there will be tears and harsh words, but you must be strong. Whether you also mention you have met someone else is between you and your conscience.
Unfortunately, you will have to speak to the police if he really doesn’t get the message and continues to be a nuisance. The holiday romance might have been fun and intense, but you’re entitled to be free to live your life from here on.
Past imperfect
I was horrified when I started hearing shocking rumours about my new partner. I confronted him.
I told him that I needed to know how many women he’d lived with and made love to – and how many children he’d fathered. My whole world fell apart as he confessed to over 250 lovers, twenty serious ex-partners and ‘about’ six children.
He insists that he has no regrets. But I had no idea that he was such a player. He maintains that life is for living. Can I stick with a man with such a casual attitude. Am I just another notch on his bedpost?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you now give yourself some time to think and inwardly digest everything he’s told you.
Does it feel as though you’re simply another woman in his life or do you believe that he’s sown his wild oats now? Is he special enough to make allowances for – or would you be better off cutting your losses and getting out now?
I must confess that I hate the idea of him not quite knowing how many children he has. Does he pay maintenance to some, or even any? Is he bothered about all the women he’s loved and probably let down over the past few years? I’d urge you to protect yourself by questioning the validity of this relationship right down to its very core.
Well jel
Sex with my ex-girlfriend was great because she was very open minded and experimental. We also used copious amounts of lubricating jelly any time we felt horny. She wasn’t too proud to hit the KY Jelly to have some slippery fun. We both loved slinky massage oils and stimulating gels too. We’d go online and load up on ‘bedroom accessories’ including sex toys and kinky undies.
Sadly, my current girl is too embarrassed to use any form of lubrication and, consequently, our lovemaking is uncomfortable and dry. I like her a lot and think we could be good together but how do I encourage her to loosen up and let go?
JANE SAYS: We all need a little extra help from time-to-time. There’s nothing shameful about using a lubricant if the resulting sex is a slippery sensation.
Virginal dryness can be caused by childbirth, breastfeeding and the menopause – or simply not being turned on enough. Be proactive. Invest in your favourite products all over again and offer to wield the tube. That way you can incorporate this act as part of your all-important foreplay. Why be embarrassed when your time together is so precious and sex should be enjoyable and rewarding?
Gold diggers
When did first dates become as intense as job interviews? I’m sick of being asked how much I earn, how much I’ll inherit and what my parents’ house is worth (nothing, it’s rented from the council).
If I tell the truth about my income, then I’m ghosted. If I lie, then I hate myself and invariably get found out in the end.
JANE SAYS: If you’re meeting your dates through dating apps, then maybe you need to find a new way forward. What about forming friendships/relationships naturally through social or sports groups? Think about volunteering and charity work. You can’t pretend to be something you’re not or allow your confidence to be crushed by ruthless gold diggers. Maybe money does make the world go round but you’re just as valid as the next person.
