‘I’m loving life in a kinky throuple however my sexy ex needs in on the motion’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Magic number

I live in a throuple with a married couple. The two of them invited me to move in with them back in March. I’m very happy and very sexually satisfied. The problem is that an ex-lover isn’t willing to let me go.

He’s stalking and harassing me. He’s jealous that I’ve found happiness while he’s on his own. He wants to be involved in my new set up, but I’m done with him. He and I met in 2022 at my old job. The arrangement we had was purely sexual and he knew the deal from the start.

I never loved him. He and I never went out on convention dates like meals or walks; we only ever bonked. We were sex buddies; pure and simple and now I need him to go away.

But he keeps calling and following me around – and it’s not on. I’m on a new path. I’ve got a new job, which is going really well.

My parents have sold the family home and given me a large injection of cash and I’m having a huge amount of fun with the two, fabulous individuals who house me. I’m treating them to two weeks at an adult only resort in Jamaica in August.

Only my ‘ex-lover’ hasn’t taken my new situation well. In fact, he’s been stalking me for weeks.

He insists that I owe him. I’m not scared of him. I don’t think he’s dangerous or sinister. I’ve spoken to his sister who says that he’s simply lonely and in love. But I don’t want to be loved by him.

I want to be free to live my own life, my own way. That’s not too unreasonable, is it?

JANE SAYS: Messy endings are never pleasant. You wish to be free to pursue your new life with your new lovers, yet your ex continues to be a weight around your neck.

In your mind, your no-strings-fling with him was just a bit of fun; a convenient sexual arrangement.

But with sex comes responsibility. Clearly, this guy didn’t fully understand the rules and became emotionally attached to you. The more time you spent together the harder he found himself falling. Now he feels cheated and let down. One couldn’t blame him for feeling jealous.

Sadly, he let his guard down and allowed himself to get in too deep with you. He must be devastated that you’re committed to a new couple, especially as your new set up is a little more unconventional than usual – and you have a great summer holiday planned. I suggest you tell him that you’re very sorry if wires have been crossed. Could his sister act as a go-between or mediator? Apologise for hurting him but also make it very clear that this is it – the end. Sadly, if he continues to make a nuisance of himself, you must speak to family members and friends for support.

Then think about contacting the police. It’s a real shame that he is hurting but there is no excuse for stalking. Nothing gives him the right to make you feel uncomfortable or beholden.

Plastic posh

A woman I grew up with has a child at the same school as mine. I hate her as much now as I did when I was a child. Growing up, she made my life hell with her bullying and teasing. These days she’s the queen of the PTA; baking cakes and raising funds. But I know the real her – and where she comes from. How dare she pretend to be posh and put together when she grew up in a shabby house and her parents had nothing.

I’m desperate to get my own back on her. I need her to suffer and be exposed. My two best friends keep telling me to ‘leave it’ but I can’t.

JANE SAYS: You’ve got to get over this and be the bigger person. I understand that this other mum made your early years a living hell, but that was a long time ago. You’ve moved on since then. You’re no longer that intimidated kid; you’re an independent woman. That old bully doesn’t define you. No one’s asking you to be her friend.

I’m not making apologies for her, but maybe she had a horrible home life? Maybe she was surrounded by nasty adults and took out her frustrations on other kids?

Everyone deserves a second chance and if she’s acting like a decent human being now, then don’t knock her. Revenge is not an option.

Gift horse

My ex-boyfriend still owes me over £2,000.

We broke up back in October on good terms because we’d drifted apart.

But now he’s turned nasty. He’s texting to say that he doesn’t owe me a bean – that the money was a gift. I’ve asked him to set up a direct debit to pay an amount each month, but he won’t. How do I go about sorting this? Obviously, I would like to end all contact with him, but I can’t simply walk away because of the money.

JANE SAYS: Have you told your parents, or another trusted adult about your situation? I think you should. You should also consider checking out citizensadvice.org.uk and/or speaking to a local solicitor. It’s encouraging that you have texts documenting your arguments. I can understand that you’re desperate to get your cash back because £2,000 is a lot of money but this could prove to be a tricky, grey area especially if your ex is claiming the cash, was a gift. You cannot allow this matter to consume you, because there will be better days ahead.

If it looks like you have no hope of seeing another penny – even after you’ve taken advice – then vow to walk away. Learn from this and never lend again.

War of the roses

My husband and I are at war – over work.

He was made redundant before Christmas and is now supposed to be helping me run my successful florist business. But he spends more time arguing with me and telling me what to do than grafting.

Several clients have complained that they find him tricky. He makes them feel uncomfortable. Help.

JANE SAYS: Sit him down and draw up a business plan. Talk about roles, guidelines and behaviour. Make it clear that you both need to be completely professional if this is to work. Importantly, if your personal squabbles are interfering with your business, then that issue has to be addressed. Importantly, if he still can’t change and adapt, then he’ll have to find his own job – or you could both go under.