‘He was hiding a secret household whereas I used to be grafting all hours to pay for IVF’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Pizza the action
My marriage collapsed when I discovered that my ex-husband had a child with another woman. I spied him in a pizza joint with his secret family. I followed him back to his second home and caused a scene. His lover verbally lashed out at me saying that they’d been sleeping together for years – even when I working seven days a week saving up for IVF. Tragically my fella and I never managed to have a baby and now I feel bitter and let down.
We’re getting divorced and I’m struggling to cope. Things aren’t helped by his mother who says I should have been a better wife – and then none of this would have happened.
JANE SAYS: You didn’t cheat; you didn’t create a baby with someone else – your ex did. Vow to get through the divorce the best you can and then view this as a new beginning; this is your time now and you can do anything you like with your life.
Your soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law needs to hear that you don’t appreciate her cruel comments. She’s nothing to you now. Let your ex-husband’s new woman have the pleasure of her company – and comments – instead.
Friendless as ever
I’m on the jabs and have lost a ton of weight.
I’ve had a hair transplant and excess skin removed from all over my body.
I look hot – even if I say so myself.
I thought that my new image would change my life; that girls would suddenly start demanding sex and bosses would be queuing up to employ me, but nothing has changed. I’m still as sex-starved, lonely and friendless as ever. My family are stunned at the change in me; my cousin says I’m most handsome guy she knows, but I can’t get arrested.
I’ve asked my boss for a promotion, but he keeps batting me away. I know that I should probably do online dating, but I still don’t have the confidence to put myself out there. What I want is for girls to come up to me and ask me for a date.
I’m no happier now than I was when I started this journey. I’m 32-years of age.
I was a skinny kid but then started comfort eating when my Dad went off with a younger woman. From the age of 20 onwards, I just got bigger. I ate all the wrong things (cakes, sweets and fizzy drinks) and became even fatter when I discovered beer.
It was only when I had a serious fall on a family holiday that finally decided to turn my life around
I spoke to my GP, got the jabs, joined a gym and watched the bulk melt away.
But has it all been a complete waste of time? Because I still feel lonely and unloved. Am I destined to be sad and awkward my entire life?
JANE SAYS: You’ve worked hard and achieved so much. You’ve earned the right to be proud of yourself. Losing weight – and keeping it off – is never easy.
But this is merely the beginning of your journey. Changing your appearance was one thing, now you must get out there and start living.
Keep telling yourself that you’re just as important and valid as the next person – and make things happen for you. Be proactive. If you’re still seeing the same people and hanging out in the same haunts, then shake things up.
Take chances outside of your comfort zone. I urge you to build on your successes so far.
If you’re not happy or fulfilled in your work, then look at your other options. How about retraining or going back into further education? Check out opportunities the Open University website (www.open.ac.uk) offers for some truly inspirational ideas. Ultimately, you can’t rely on other people to make you happy. Are there any family friends or relatives who can give you for support? What about your cousin?
Once you’re feeling fulfilled and challenged, then I’m confident that love and interesting friendships will follow. What about travelling? Volunteering or finding networking events in your area?
Be a go-getter. If you continue to wait for someone to ask YOU out, then you could be waiting a very long time…
