‘Jealous neighbour resents me having noisy intercourse with my informal conquests’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
All out war
I’m sick of the woman next door tracking my movements and complaining about everything little thing I do.
I can’t park my car, put my rubbish out or play my records without her banging on the wall or putting a nasty note through my letter box. She’s my age yet acts like a neighbour from hell. The problem is that she and I got off on a bad start – and I blame myself for that.
The day I moved in I was exhausted and upset. I’d just split from my ex and was feeling sorry for myself.
At around 8pm the doorbell rang, and my neighbour was on my doorstep with a bottle of wine in hand and a pizza in the other. She suggested a ‘get-to-know-you’ drink. But I was in no mood to party. She asked if we could be friends and I, rather grandly announced that I already had enough mates and didn’t have space for anymore. I virtually shut the door in her face. I was rude and I know it. The next night I met a girl in a pub and bought her back for noisy sex. My neighbour saw her leave the next morning. Two days later the same thing happened again. Then again…
Eventually my neighbour stopped me in the street and complained about the racket I was making. She explained that she was working nights and needed her kip. I told her to mind her own business and we fell out. Now, she’s declared all out war on me.
The fact is that I’ve calmed down. I’m single and getting my life back on track.
Yet my bitter, resentful woman next door clearly feels insulted and loathes me.
How do I get her to back off and start acting, well, normally?
JANE SAYS: Talk about get off on the wrong foot.
Your neighbour came to you, gifts in hand, on your first night in the area and you sent her away with a flea in her ear. Then you rubbed salt in the wound by having noisy sex with a number of strangers and disturbing her peace. I can’t say I blame her for hating the sight of you. I understand that you were upset after the break-up of your last relationship, but manners cost nothing. I suggest you take a deep breath and call a truce because it’s never to late to start again. Ask her to give you a chance to apologise and make amends.
You cannot allow your pride or arrogance to stop you from admitting that you treated her like dirt. She tried to be friendly, and you humiliated the woman.
Ask if she’ll end the campaign of intimidation so that you can get on with your lives as mature adults.
Look, you, and she may not end up being the best of friends, but you don’t have to be enemies either. Life is too short for squabbles and feuds.
Hopefully, she’ll agree to meet you halfway and you can start again. Unfortunately, if the damage is too deep and she refuses to back off, then you may have to speak to the council or the police if her behaviour is verging on harassment. Hopefully it won’t come to that. I urge you to learn from this.
Gossip mongers
I hate the people I find myself working with.
When I first joined this firm, the other employees were lovely. Over time, however, they’ve left, and a new lot have replaced them. Now the atmosphere is toxic and unpleasant. Backstabbing is rife and I’m too scared to go to the loo, let alone have a day off in case someone talks about me. At the moment a woman in another department is having an affair with our boss. There’s a rumour that she might be pregnant by him. Sadly, this has sent the gossip mongers into overdrive. I can’t stand it. I’d love to get on my desk and scream ‘shut up’, only I don’t have the nerve. Is it too much to be allowed to get on with my work in peace?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you take this matter straight to your HR department or union.
Make it clear that you can’t concentrate in the current climate. Be clear that this toxic environment is having a detrimental effect on your performance and health. You expect to work in a professional set up – not in a nest of vipers. If there is one ringleader, then this poisonous person needs to have it pointed out to him or her that enough is enough. Do you need to start looking for a new job?
Lowly beginnings
I’m intimidated by my girlfriend’s family. She comes from a posh home. Her parents run a very successful business and her sisters went to top schools.
I’m convinced they look down on my lowly beginnings although my girl insists, they adore me.
I dread being invited to Sunday lunch and birthday celebrations as I get the impression that they’re laughing AT me. I know my girl would like us to get married, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable around her folks (especially those sisters) for the rest of my life. Could we have a future without them in it?
JANE SAYS: I urge you speak to your girl in private. Make it clear that you are struggling to fit in. Can she see where you’re coming from? Is she willing to speak to her family members regarding their attitude towards you? Could it be that you also need to loosen up and start showing her family what you’re made of? They may be rich, but that doesn’t mean that they’re better than you and maybe they’d respect you more if you called them out or answered back?
You can’t possibly suggest that your girl cuts herself off from her whole family forever, there has to be a way around this.
Best food forward
My stepson desperately wants a girlfriend but doesn’t shower enough or make the best of himself. He’s been on a few internet dates, which ended in disaster (two girls walked away on sight).
I want to help him but he’s touchy and unpredictable.
I hate to see him sad and alone and fear for his long-term mental health.
JANE SAYS: If your stepson is lost, stressed and in a downward spiral, then he needs to be thrown a lifeline.
Keeping quiet isn’t doing him any favours. Tell him you want to help. What about talking to his GP about exercise and diet? What about walking or swimming? Offer to support him with dating tips. Check out Mind (mind.org.uk). He needs to hear that someone is on his side. The Samaritans are on 116 123.
