‘My sleazy boss loves strip golf equipment and edgy intercourse – I would like to inform his pretty spouse’
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Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Lap it up
My husband’s boss openly brags about his love of prostitutes and lap dancing clubs.
He likes his extra-marital assignations to be as sleazy and edgy as possible. This is in sharp contrast to his wife who is a modest, classy lady. Now my husband is changing job and moving into a whole new industry. Do I finally tell the wife (who I like very much) what her husband gets up to?
Is it my place to confront her with the truth? It’s getting to the point where I feel guilty every time I’m with her because I know that I’m holding out on her. My husband keeps telling me to leave it, but what if she is suffering – or her sexual health is in danger – and I’m able to help?
JANE SAYS: I’d keep your nose well out of this business if I were you. Your husband’s current boss could be talking a load of nonsense for all you know. He could be a fantasist who gets off on bragging about sex with other women. If he’s a show off and a big mouth, then he might even think that he’s impressing or intimidating those working for him. You just don’t know.
There’s also the danger that if you were to speak to his wife, then she might turn on YOU. She might be fully aware of her husband’s habits and not wish for them to be spoken of. If your husband is moving on, then accept that he and his boss may not work together again and that you and she may eventually drift apart.
I accept that you hate holding back and have the best intentions, but this all sounds like a massive can of worms to me
Break time
My boyfriend wants a break from our relationship. He doesn’t wish to split with me for good but does want my permission to sleep with someone else. Apparently, his ex is back in town, and he wants to have one last fling with her before she moves to Dubai to marry her rich boyfriend. He reckons that once she’s finally ‘out of his system’ then he’ll be completely free to dedicate himself to me. How does that work?
JANE SAYS: Do not allow your man to walk over you. Tell him that what he’s suggesting is insensitive and cruel and that you want no part of it. If he can’t keep his hands (or his mind) off his ex, then clearly you don’t mean enough to him. Where do his loyalties lie? If he doesn’t get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness, then you must walk away.
Cash in hand
When I gave my daughter the precious contents of my jewellery box, I didn’t expect her to sell the lot but that’s exactly what she’s done. She’s unsentimentally flogged everything from my grandmother’s wedding ring to my father’s gold watch. Also gone are my engagement ring and diamond earrings and much, much more. When I tell her that she’s broken my heart she just shrugs and says: “Times are hard.”
I’m feel so betrayed that I can’t stop crying. I now deeply regret ever inviting her into my home back in May. I stupidly got her over for tea and explained that I was having a massive clear out and wanted her to have the pieces that meant the most to me. She cooed and simpered over my lovely pieces and promised to cherish the lot. We talked about our late relatives, and I told her lots of funny stories about my mother, who, sadly she never met.
Three days later I discovered (via social media) that she’d off-loaded everything. Not only that, but she simply walked to into the nearest jewellery shop on her high street. I can’t believe, for one minute, that she got anywhere like their true worth. Basically, she went in for a fast buck and came out with a big smile on her face. Now other family members are split as to whose side they’re on.
Naturally my sister and her daughter are with me. But other cousins are saying that I’m ‘unrealistic’ and ‘living in the dark ages’ because life is hard and people need ready cash, not old bits of gold in a drawer somewhere. How did I misjudge this so badly? Of course, I still love her, she’s still my daughter, but I’m finding it very hard to like her right now.
JANE SAYS: The cold, hard truth, is that we when give objects away, we relinquish any right over them. The minute you handed your family heirlooms to your daughter they became hers to do anything she liked with.
Yes, of course, it’s upsetting that she went on to sell the pieces, but if she really is in a lot of debt then maybe she felt that this was the most practical course of action. You may not agree with that, but we’re all different. I’d strongly urge you not to fall out with anyone over this matter.
Talk to your sister and niece and vent your anger and frustration that way, but don’t make an enemy of your daughter, because this is just not worth coming to blows over – and you may just need her in the future. If nothing else, you’ve learned a valuable lesson here: Don’t feel obliged to give anything more away. If you own a property or hold other valuables, then get professional financial advice. If anything, else is to be sold, then make sure that YOU sell it so that you get the benefit. I can fully understand your anger and disappointment.
You made a special effort to invite your daughter into your home; you thought that she understood the significance of your pieces. Sadly, she did not. Do not allow this incident to make you bitter or resentful, because those emotions are negative and corrosive. Brush yourself off and now vow to live your life to the full.
Second class
I often get the impression that people look down on me because I’m not a mother. My partner and I can’t have children, and he made it clear years ago that he’s not interested in fostering or adopting either. We have a great life; with lots of lovely holidays.
But I can’t help feeling that I’m considered a second class citizen; especially by some women.
Married mates say that they are jealous of our great holidays and carefree weekends, but I do get a lot of people asking me what I do all day.
Recently, at a party, a girl I used to go to school with made a crass remark about me being boring and selfish. I know that I should simply ignore her, but maybe she’s right? Maybe I am guilty of wasting my life?
JANE SAYS: You cannot allow nasty people to sap your energy or criticise your life. You’re not hurting anyone and don’t have to justify yourself one iota.
Don’t concern yourself with people who aren’t completely sympathetic and on your side. In the long term; don’t think about the life you DON’T have but do concentrate on all the good stuff; your health, the friends and the wonderful experiences.
If you want something else to love, then get a pet. If you feel you need to ‘give something back’ then get involved in volunteering and charity work. Your old ‘friend’ needs to be told that her comments were unwelcome and cruel. If she can’t see that (and doesn’t apologise), then move on and don’t bother with her – or her like – again.
