‘I discovered my boyfriend’s secret intercourse den filled with blow-up dolls, jazz mags and bonking diaries’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Points out of ten

My boyfriend wants sex all the time and when I won’t give it to him, he storms off.

I’ve just discovered evidence of him cheating, paying escorts and visiting sleazy brothels.

He has a room at the top of his parents’ house, which he labels his ‘man den’. He goes round there to tackle ‘paperwork’ and chill out.

It’s kept locked and I’ve never been allowed inside.

But the other day his Mum rang me in a panic. She and her husband are in Spain, and her neighbour reported a problem with the alarm. My guy was away and she asked me to go round there and sort it out. The neighbour had an enormous bunch of keys, so I let myself in, re-set the alarm and found my way up to my boyfriend’s secret pad…

What I found inside made my hair curl.

As well graphic porn mags, DVDs and all sorts of blow-up dolls, there are sex toys and diaries too. The guy has lists of the other women that he’s bedded, paid and rated. These women have stars, points of out of ten and prices next to their names.

Now I don’t know where to go or what to do next. Naturally I’ve confronted him but he’s fuming that I ‘infiltrated’ his private space. His says his diaries are a work of fiction – his way of letting off steam – and that I can’t prove that he’s a cheat or a liar.

He maintains there’s nothing wrong with his sexual appetite and any problems are all in my mind.

How do I deal with this?

JANE SAYS: It worries me that you don’t know the person you’re sharing your life with.

Clearly your guy is a very dark horse.

If he’s a sex/porn addict, there professionals who can help him.

I know it’s tough, but you’ve got to try and talk to him again. Is he prepared to admit that he has a problem that he is he willing to face up to?

If he continues to say ‘no’ to everything you ask of him, then how much more are YOU willing to put up with?

If he wants help, then he needs to make an appointment with his GP. But if he still refuses to meet you halfway, then I strongly suggest that you start putting your own well being and mental health first.

If that means moving on, then so be it.

The point is that you saw what was stashed in that secret room. You saw the extent of the material and the accessories.

That room has been barred to you, and you wouldn’t have known of its true contents if you hadn’t gone to his parents’ house.

Maybe you shouldn’t have simply let yourself in. But do couples in mutually respectful, modern relationships really have forbidden rooms?

What other secrets might he be hiding? His parents may be prepared to turn a blind eye, but are you?

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re mad. If he really has been sleeping with other women, then your sexual health must be a priority now. Arrange to see your GP about a sexual health check.

Tone deaf

My girlfriend enjoyed a ten career as a dancer. She worked on cruise ships and had a ball. She only stopped when she hurt her foot.

The problem is that she never stops going on about ‘the best decade of her life’. She still yearns to be a sensation.

She’s been offered a redundancy package from her office job and is seriously thinking about having singing lessons and going back on the ships. She sings around the flat all the time and she’s not very good. I’d go so far as to say she’s tone deaf… I think she is seriously deluded. I feel that we should ring fence that cash for our future. Don’t you?

JANE SAYS: I suspect your girlfriend will argue that it’s her cash and she can do anything she likes with it.

Keep talking to her about her plans and resist the urge to interfere or dictate. Ask relevant questions about how the singing lessons and getting a job on a cruise ship might work. Does she have contacts, the stamina and a backup plan? What might months away at sea mean for your relationship? Point out that you’ve both made sacrifices for each other over the years and it would be nice to do something together with the money.

However, if she insists on chasing her dream, then maybe you’ll have to let her make her own way

Herd instinct

My guy and I never go out on our own.

Every trip to the pub includes his friends and relatives – and I don’t even like half of them.

Sunday lunch times are set in stone at his bossy mum’s house and I’m climbing the walls. I like my guy a lot. The private times we spend on our own are fantastic. He’s a funny guy with a lot going for him, but I don’t impose my friends or family on him, so why should I have to endure his? Now everyone’s talking about a Christmas holiday. Help.

JANE SAYS: Level with him. Tell him that he is not responsible for anyone else.

You and he need precious time together too.

Let him know that you’re on his side but there need to be some changes because you’re not happy with the way things are going.

Organise some unbreakable date nights of your own. Ring fence your relationship and start making it a priority again. if you’re not keen on the family holiday idea, then nip it in the bud right now before you find yourselves too far down the line.

Sadly, if his parents get miffed, then you’ll just have to – politely – stand your ground.

Left in the lurch

I’ve asked my girlfriend to marry me, and I’ve still not received an answer. She’s: “considering about it”.

Recently, during a dog walk, I asked her what she was thinking and she nearly bit my head off.

She told me not to put pressure on her. I asked her in May. Is it unreasonable of me to establish where I stand?

JANE SAYS: Having asked the all-important question of your girlfriend, you need an answer. I realise that agreeing to marry someone is a life changing decision, but she’s had a couple of months to mull this over.

If it’s not a ‘yes” then does that mean, it’s a ‘no’? Are you prepared to carry on simply as girl and boyfriend? I don’t think you should allow her to mess you around.