‘I was a stripper who offered intercourse for money – I am unable to inform my man the reality’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Past imperfect

My boyfriend wants to hear everything about my former lovers – or he’ll dump me.

I feel he’s torturing me because there are so many things about my early life that I’m ashamed of.

For a start he knows nothing of the chaotic, poverty-stricken childhood I endured with my useless, alcoholic parents.

He has no idea that I was conned out of thousands by an ex-boyfriend and that I used to have a serious booze habit. I know he’d be horrified to hear that I was a stripper and regularly sold sex when I needed cash, but I’m a totally different person now.

I’ve reinvented myself.

He doesn’t like that I don’t talk about my past lovers and never see any of my family or friends from my old life.

He’s never met my parents and never will do.

When we first met, he said that he respected my desire to start afresh. But now he’s become jealous and possessive and can’t stand the fact that he doesn’t know the ‘real me’.

The other night he ran through his family history. Then he said: “Now it’s your turn”. When I refused to join in, he started calling me ‘weird’.

I don’t see why I should have to explain that to anyone. Do you?

JANE SAYS: You can’t blame your partner for being puzzled and confused. You and he are in a relationship, yet he doesn’t know the real you.

I suspect he thought that you’d open up over time; that you’d reveal key points about yourself as your relationship progressed. But the fact is that he knows no more about you now, than on the day you first met, which must be frustrating. Look at things from his point of view.

Yes, you treasure your privacy and your space, but you constantly shut him out. He’s entrusted you with every detail of his life, but you give nothing in return.

Would it be so hard to open up to him if he promises not to quiz you further? Or do you worry that would lead to a further bombardment?

Could you meet him halfway by explaining that some things are too painful for you to go into any greater detail? The other alternative is that you consider talking about your painful past with a health professional in an attempt to come to terms with the past and move on. Your GP should be your first port of call here. Ultimately, your past is your business and only you can decide which is the best path for you now that you’re a settled adult.

Starting over

I’m too scared to resume sex with my wife. I’m worried about my body, my performance and whether she actually wants me to touch her anymore. Last year I had an operation for prostate cancer. It was a scary time, but the procedure was a complete success.

I was given Viagra as I was discharged and can now achieve an erection again, but my wife and I haven’t had sex since before I went into hospital. I know it’s stupid, but I’m too embarrassed to suggest intimacy. It’s like starting over and I feel awkward, like a clumsy, inexperienced teenage, yet we have three children together.

She hasn’t made any attempt to touch me, so I can only assume that she’s unsure too. But we had a good sex life before this all started and I’m keen to pick up where we left off. Where do I go from here?

JANE SAYS: Please find the courage to talk to your wife about your needs and worries. I suspect she’s anxious and, maybe even a little embarrassed too. Suggest spending some time quality together. What about booking a celebratory weekend away? In short, you need to set some time aside to reconnect and get back to basics. Be prepared for a few setbacks or disappointments but keep persevering because you’re entitled to experience sexual fulfillment and to love again.

If the prostate gland and seminal vesicles have been removed then you won’t ejaculate, but you will still enjoy a dry orgasm. Check out the excellent Prostate Cancer UK website (www.prostatecanceruk.org) for more information on this sensitive subject.

Out of the loop

I’m a house husband. I gave up my job in 2023 and have been running the home – cooking, looking after the children – ever since. My partner has a very demanding job, and I see my role as her supporter and champion. However, I don’t feel that she always plays fair with me. I’m convinced that my wife hides out at work, in the pub or out with friends in order to avoid the tea/bath/bed routine with the children.

She used to shoot back at 6pm in order to help me. But just recently she’s started blaming ‘late meetings’ for her 10pm appearances: so convenient when the children are asleep. Very often she says that she’s already eaten and I can smell drink on her breath. You don’t think she could be also having an affair, do you? I’m so out of the loop with office life that I don’t know how people behave any more.

JANE SAYS: I suspect you’re holding back simply because you wish to maintain harmony within the home. You don’t want any kind of row or atmosphere that might upset the children.

But you can’t continue to brush this problem under the carpet. You have to renegotiate this arrangement with your partner, because you need her to play fair and be honest with you. If she really is hiding away in order to avoid the ‘hell hour’ then that’s just not right. Of course, putting children to bed is extremely stressful, but that’s family life and you’re both in this together. Ask her for an adult conversation and tell her that you feel let down. Is it time to switch roles? Has her drinking become a problem? If so, then Alcoholics Anonymous (0800 9177 650) can help. As for your worry that she might actually be having an affair, then she has got to tell you exactly where you stand, because keeping that kind of information from you is bang out of order.

Tell tale

My new girlfriend struggles to be nice to my teenage children. I’ve heard one too many sarcastic comment for my liking. The other day she humiliated my 12-year-old daughter by laughing at her collection of teddies. She called her a big baby.

When my daughter complained to me, she then called her a ‘tell-tale’. How do I get her to be nicer and to understand our ways?

JANE SAYS: If your girlfriend is this immature and so jealous of your children, then I don’t see how you can have any time for her. Do yourself a favour; put your children first and then concentrate on finding a woman who isn’t as small minded and insecure. If you must ask her to be nice, then she’s already a lost cause.

Your children deserve a lot better than this – and so do you. Explain to her today that this is just not going to work out.