‘She’s a complete minx and desires extra sophisticated intercourse – the extra hardcore the higher’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Different strokes
How do I stop my loved-up girl from jumping on me for sex? I’m beginning to feel exhausted and used.
She wants a baby. I understand that. I want a baby too, but not yet and not like this.
A year ago, she was down in the dumps; her job was horrible, and her self-confidence was in her boots. But then she joined a gym and found a new employer.
Since shaping up and changing her image, she’s become a minx. She literally floors me the minute I walk through the door. She demands increasingly edgy, kinky sex and I’m struggling to keep up. Of course, I’m flattered that she wants my baby and fancies the pants off me, but her demands are becoming colourful and extreme.
She’s got it into her mind that a variety of complicated sexual positions will help us to conceive. To this end a colleague has lent her a copy of the Kama Sutra that we’re currently working through – which feels a bit like homework to me…
She’s currently employed with an outrageous bunch of creatives in an edgy environment. Some of them are super alternative and live very different (kinky) lives to us. One girl lives with three guys, sharing the same giant bed. Another guy splits his time between his male and female lovers. From talk of bondage and spanking to role-playing, she’s certainty experiencing an education…
I try and remain open minded and interested. But need her to take her foot off the pedal. Yes, I do like sex, and I would like a baby, eventually, but she’s currently in danger of overwhelming me and pushing me away.
JANE SAYS: It sounds like your girl has got her mojo back and is raring to go. A year ago, things looked bleak for her, she was unhappy and unfulfilled, now she’s working in a creative environment and wants a baby. But she needs to calm down…
She needs to be reminded that you’re on this journey with her. Yes, she’s impressed by her edgy colleagues and wants a baby but jumping on you and disregarding your feelings (and limits) isn’t respectful. Why don’t you book some time off together to simply chill, chat and connect in a calmer setting? She needs to hear that you are on the same page as her, but you’re not a machine and won’t be manipulated. Can you agree a timeline regarding getting your house (and relationship) in order and trying for a baby? Having a child is exhilarating, exhausting and expensive.
Are your finances healthy and do you have the practical and emotional support of family members? She may not think any of those considerations are important but it’s always a good idea to talk things through. She has to start meeting you halfway and respecting the kind of sex life you enjoy and crave – and the future you see for yourselves – otherwise, one night, you’re not going to feel like coming home at all. Is that really what she wants?
Over and out
My partner refuses to move out of my flat because he won’t accept that our relationship is over. The reality is that we have nothing in common. He works long hours and spends spare time with his friends. I do everything around the house and then hang out with my family.
He and I never go on holiday or out for meals and can sometimes go for days without speaking. He just seems to have given up and sunk into a cosy rut while I’m raring to go. How can I end this relationship when he refuses to accept that anything is wrong and won’t look for somewhere new?
JANE SAYS: I suspect your partner is very comfortable and that the thought of moving on fills him with dread. Who doesn’t love a cosy rut? But if things aren’t working out – and cannot be fixed – then you need to speak to him about breaking up and moving on.
Sit him down and make it clear that this is serious.
Be strong and emphasise that you had a life before you knew him and will have your own life again. Try and be adult and discuss your options. However, if things do get nasty, then you may have to call upon your family and maybe even the authorities to help you. Ultimately you cannot allow anyone to keep you down.
Vanilla slice
I worry that I’m boring and unadventurous. My boyfriend has never complained about my performance in bed, but when I listen to other people, their exploits are off the scale. He and I make love four times a week; on the same nights and in exactly the same way. We favour the missionary and ‘doggy’ positions. Is that too predictable?
I like sex with him. I invariably orgasm and he does too. Recently, during a drunken leaving party I stupidly opened up to a colleague. She laughed and called me vanilla. Do I have a problem? Will he tire of me?
JANE SAYS: You and your boyfriend are individuals and what works for others may not work for you. That said, why don’t you have a conversation with your chap away from the bedroom and ask him if he’s interested in spicing things up a little. Clearly your feisty colleague has planted the germ of an idea in your mind. What about changing the routine with early nights, foreplay, massage, role-play, sex toys, erotic fiction? In other words, whatever takes your fancy.
Ask him what he’d like and experiment. It’s never a good idea to get too complacent or even stuck in a rut, but you’re not in competition with anyone.
Pick a side
Recently, my friend’s husband was rude to me. We were in a pub garden, and he humiliated me. My mate said nothing. Eventually I faked a headache and went home early. Now she can’t understand why I don’t want to see her again. She says it’s wrong of me to blame her, but what else am I supposed to do?
JANE SAYS: Arrange to meet your friend for a cup of tea and make it clear that you refuse to be intimidated or victimised. If her bloke can’t behave himself, then you’re out.
I suspect he’s insecure and horribly jealous of your friendship. Accept that she can’t control what he says, but is she happy? Does he treat her well? Is there anything she’d like to get off her chest?
