‘My landlady needs me to repay my debt by bonking her and her greatest buddy’
Dear Jane,
Deal or no deal
I’m seriously behind with my rent. My landlady says I can pay her back in sex. She’s suggested that I pop down to her flat every Saturday afternoon for some ‘no strings’ sex. She’s a tough old bird and I feel backed into a corner.
I owe her £2,500 and fear that, if I don’t cough up soon, then she’ll not only throw me out, but pass my debt onto someone else – someone scary. She’s charming to my face but knows some very shady people. I first moved into the upper rooms of her house in 2023. I was working for a bank at the time and bringing in decent money, but I was drinking, taking a lot of recreation drugs and spending too. I enjoyed flashing the cash. Designer clothes and a fast car went with the territory, and I couldn’t imagine the good times ending. But then I got sacked last March for turning up late.
My landlady gave me a rent ‘holiday’, but I’ve not been able to find another job in the banking industry.
I’m currently labouring for my uncle and babysitting my sister’s kids. I’m paying whatever rent I can. But my landlady hasn’t forgotten the big debt.
A few days ago, I made the mistake of rattling her cage. I had a bright idea; I suggested paying her back in odd jobs – gardening, decorating, driving etc. Quick as a flash she replied that she had something far fruitier in mind and went on to list all the sexual favours I can perform from role playing to a threesome with her best friend. I’m freaked out.
JANE SAYS: You have a duty to pay back what you owe. Speak to your sister and uncle and any other family members and describe the fix you’re in.
Is anyone prepared to loan you the outstanding £2,500? Could you move in with either of them for the short term while you get back on your feet again? Don’t be too proud to admit that you’re in serious trouble.
Ultimately, you must stand up for yourself. When you’re ready, go back to your landlady and explain that there has to be another solution, because you won’t be threatened, compromised, or jerked about. Work out a more sensible solution regarding a regular payment plan. Yes, you realise that you still owe her money, and you haven’t forgotten about it.
Basically, where can a compromise be found?
She has to understand that sex is completely off the menu. She may think that she’s holding all the aces, but you’re not a fool and you won’t be frightened or used. Hopefully, she’ll back down and come to a sensible arrangement with you, but if she doesn’t then you should visit check out citizensadvice.org.uk for help. If you feel that she’s being intimidating or menacing, then maybe you should also mention this matter to the police and/or a local solicitor too.
Taking sides
My partner is furious with me for talking to my ex-boyfriend at a family party. He’s storming around shouting that I’ve humiliated and hurt him.
This from a man who has cheated on me for the whole of our relationship. From drunken one-night stands with colleagues to three, full-blown affairs, I’ve put up with nothing but grief from him.
Now, however, he is in a massive sulk with me for talking to my lovely ex who lost his partner to cancer last year. I’m beyond exasperated. He complains that my family were laughing and pointing at him and that I deliberately went all out to show him up. It’s just not true.
JANE SAYS: For your partner to take such a hard stance against you smacks of hypocrisy. He needs to get real and stop making everything all about him.
Stand your ground and insist he sees things from your point of view. You were comforting a friend in need. If he can’t bring himself to sober up and move on, then is this relationship worth saving? Your union sounds very one-sided and unbalanced. Is your man guilty of being something of a bully in general? Does he tend to get his own way through a combination of twisted logic, rows, and sulks? Is he really the best possible person to share the rest of your life with? I don’t think so…
Skin deep
My girlfriend spends a fortune on expensive hair and beauty products.
She’s just joined a state-of-the-art health club and is paying for weekly facials and treatments. She always looks good, but we can’t afford this indulgence. We struggle to pay our monthly bills. I’d like us to start thinking about having a baby, but we can’t afford to feed another mouth. Yet she claims that her grooming regime is completely non-negotiable. I find this increasingly frustrating and hard to accept. Why is she being selfish?
JANE SAYS: Have one central pot for essential bills, rent, food etc into, which you put an equal amount. Whatever you have over is yours to spend – and your partner likewise.
She’ll then have to work out from what she has left how she’s going to fund her expensive grooming regime. As for you, you also need to think long and hard about the kind of life you’re living and the sorts of things you want regarding the future. If you’re ready to have a baby and your partner isn’t, then are you guilty of wasting your time? Is she selfish and vain or simply insecure? Beg her to open up so that you get where you stand. I urge you to separate out your money.
Ghost in my house
My boyfriend (40) is the ultimate user.
He’s only friendly with colleagues, mates, or neighbours while they’re useful to him. The minute he no longer needs their services or support he walks away. This is very difficult for me. I’m embarrassed whenever a confused/dumped ex-mate asks me what they’ve done wrong. At the moment an ex-colleague of his is devastated at being ‘ghosted’.
How can he be so hard-hearted?
JANE SAYS: Sadly, if this is the way your boyfriend has always operated, then I can’t imagine him changing now. He’s a mature guy and is clearly never bothered by a guilty conscience. Aren’t you worried that you might outlive your usefulness? Do you ever get the feeling that your time might soon be up? Step back and protect yourself from being used and discarded.
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
