If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Daddy uncool
My girl has secret mobile phones and loads of cash. She wears designer clothes but doesn’t work.
Sometimes she takes off for places like Paris and New York to ‘see friends’ but I’ve never met any of these mystery friends. I fear she’s sleeping with her sugar daddy again.
What other explanation can there be?
She’s a wonderful woman, but a complete mystery to me. Her best friend once told me that when she was living in Spain, my girl had an older man who ‘sponsored’ her. Apparently, he showered her with gifts and took her to expensive places in return for her company and sex. They officially split up when she met me, but now I’m convinced that she’s contacted him – or someone like him – and that I’m being made a fool of.
Whenever anyone ever asks her what she does for a living, she lies and says: “Influencer”.
But I know that’s not true. Yet this ‘influencing’ takes her all over the world. When we go out, she wears designer clothes and orders the latest cocktails, which she’s very happy to pay for. She swears she loves me and our sex life is red hot, but I’m fully aware that there’s a whole other side to her.
The other day I realised that she owns THREE mobiles and I don’t have the other two numbers.
We were in town and a low life attempted to mug her. My girl dropped her bag, and all these phones fell out.
One of them had a gold cover. It looked expensive. Someone rich must have bought it for her.
I know I should front her up, but I’m just too scared to hear the truth. What if she dumps me because I’ve dared to bring things to a head?
JANE SAYS: You need to consider your mental and sexual health.
Your girl can’t conduct a celebrity lifestyle on nothing. Someone – or something – is paying for her to swig cocktails and buy the latest fashions. If she really is seeing her sugar daddy again – or has a new benefactor – then she must come clean about that. Insist she levels with you. Explain that you saw the secret phones and now have questions. Tell her that you have to know where you stand. At the moment, there is something between you; something unspoken.
Of course, you adore her but can’t fully commit when you feel she is holding something significant back.
For the last time; what is the nature of her business? How does it work and is there anything else that you should know?
It’s also vital that you trust your instincts. If this relationship doesn’t feel 100 per cent right, if you fear you’re being made a fool of, then keep digging.
Also ask around and do your own research. Ultimately, however, you will have to decide whether you can carry on seeing a woman who appears to live a double life.
Truth and honesty must be vital factors if this relationship is to survive. You can’t carry on with someone who disappears without an explanation or doesn’t consider your health, feelings or happiness.
He ravishes me
I continue to sleep with my ex-husband. I can’t wean myself off him.
We have a love/hate relationship. I hate his personality but love the way he ravishes me. He’s an animal between the sheets. The physical side of our relationship has always been amazing. We resent the fact that we’re still attracted to each.
He’s with a new woman who wants to marry him, and I think he’s prepared to go through with it for an easy life. But we’re still secretly seeing each other, and I loathe myself for being so weak. How do I change this?
JANE SAYS: You’re smart enough to admit that this toxic relationship is unhealthy and destructive. It compromises you and prevents you from moving on. Now that your ex is about to marry someone else, you must find the strength to tell him, ‘no more’. Otherwise, this nonsense will go on forever. You must accept that it’s not in his interests to let you go, because he currently enjoys the best of both worlds. Maybe you physically need to move yourself away from him so that you’re not tempted again in the future.
The problem is that you’re never going to meet anyone new while he’s still in your head and your phone – so scrub him out and live again. If you don’t, then your self-worth is going to continue to dive.
Green eyed monsters
My three oldest friends are jealous of my new life.
Two of them have stopped talking to me completely, while the third can only manage to be sarcastic and rude. They can’t stand the fact that I’ve been promoted at work and given a swish company car.
My boss is promising me big things, and my boyfriend has bought me a gold bracelet by way of congratulations. Only my ‘mates’ are spreading rumours that I’ve slept my way to the top. Not true.
I’m in bits.
JANE SAYS: It’s fantastic that you’re doing so well and that the future looks promising. You’ve clearly worked very hard to get where you are today. Sadly, jealousy is a nasty, corrosive emotion. Your friends are full of bile and can’t stand to see you doing well. If you still care about them, then ask to meet up so that you can clear the air. It could be that they’ll accuse you of being smug and rubbing their noses in the dirt. Is that a possibility?
Ultimately, you need to live your life the way you see fit. If the sad truth is that you’ve now left these friends behind, then move on. Being openly jealous and envious sounds very immature and petty.
Charity shock
I’m sick of my mother-in-law giving me rubbish.
For my recent birthday I got a horrible, scented candle and chipped vase – both obviously from a charity shop.
I always give £30 in a card and feel seriously miffed.
My husband says I can’t stop giving gifts because it’s a ‘family tradition’. Which way do I go?
JANE SAYS: It’s possible that your mother-in-law enjoys snooping around charity shops for gifts. Are you prepared to take that interest and that pleasure away from her?
It’s highly possible that she doesn’t have much spare cash and thinks she’s doing a nice thing. Accept her gifts with good grace. Say ‘thank you’ and move on. If you can afford to keep giving the £30 then do so – it could mean a lot to her.