If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
She holds the aces
My boyfriend’s mum is a diva and a show-off. Her ego is off the scale. She makes every event all about her. She spoiled her own daughter’s wedding by snogging the best man and ruined her father’s funeral by giving a nasty speech.
Her last relationship finished in April after her ex-partner literally fled in the middle of the night. Now she’s single and mingling again – and driving me crazy. She thinks she can come out with my boyfriend and me any time she likes.
Every time we go to a club or bar, she tags along. She gets outrageously drunk and shows us up. She dances like a fool, gooses guys and gropes girls. The woman is a nightmare.
Recently my best mate held a small dinner to celebrate a promotion. My boyfriend’s ma wasn’t even invited but crashed it anyway. She drank two bottles of wine and offered my mate’s neighbour sex.
My boyfriend branded her a disgrace and forced her into a taxi. But he must be careful about what he says because she has cash and we don’t.
I love my boyfriend, but I don’t know how much more of his appalling mother I can take. He and I are talking about going travelling to Thailand, Australia and New Zealand. We fancy Christmas on a beach. But he’s just hinted that she might insist on coming along too because she’s willing to pay.
How do I gently tell her to get stuffed without she and my boyfriend falling out?
JANE SAYS: Your boyfriend is in a difficult position. Even though his mother is annoying and embarrassing, he still loves her because, she’s family. On top of that he relies on her for cash. He can’t openly tell her to ‘clear off’ because he’s under her thumb.
The fact of the matter is that she’s a prima donna. She’s vain and doesn’t care who she upsets.
For her, it’s all about getting drunk; showing off; and having a wild time – and she knows exactly what she’s doing.
Can you really be bothered with any of that? Yes, your fella is a nice bloke, but he sounds weak and ineffectual. Why can’t he politely ask her to respect his relationship by giving you some space and privacy? Maybe his mum is larger than life, but surely, she must have some sober moments when she’s reasonable and approachable?
Talk to your boyfriend today and insist he stands up to her. Make it clear that you can’t – and won’t – go on like this. Unless he can guarantee you a grown-up relationship, without his revolting mum in tow, then you’ll have to seriously review this situation. You’re not being tricky or sniffy, simply honest, because you’re fed up. As for her joining you on any world trip; forget it. That idea must be nipped in the bud right now.
Surely your life is too precious for this level of grief and aggravation?
Shady past
My brother is dating a woman we all hate.
She is an ex-stripper with a shady past. She is argumentative and aggressive. I can’t stand being in her company.
She and my brother think it’s funny to turn up at our parents’ house drunk. Recently, at a family barbecue, this woman was all over the place. She tickled my uncle and insulted my aunt. At one point she was dancing so wildly I thought she was going to fall head first into the paddling pool. I feel sorry for my parents who believe that they have no choice but to welcome their son’s other half into their home.
JANE SAYS: This is something that your parents must speak to your brother about. Of course he’s entitled to date anyone he likes, but bringing a disruptive individual into their home is not on.
Speak to your Mum and Dad and encourage them to stand up to your bro before things go too far. I expect you tread a very fine line, because you don’t want to be accused of taking sides or winding things up.
If your brother has always been a tricky character who likes to outrage, then maybe he feels he’s being very clever by hanging around with this colourful character, but he’s going to end the sad loser if, or when, she ruins his life.
Cough up
I’ve never been introduced to my husband’s adult children from his first marriage. They hate the idea of me even though their parents divorced years ago. He wants to sell our house so that he can give them deposits for flats. I don’t think this is fair. I believe his loaded ex should cough up, but he won’t hear of it because he doesn’t wish to ‘make waves’.
I love my home, which I have lavished my cash on.
Why should I downsize when none of them are anything to do with me?
JANE SAYS: A civilised conversation must be the way forward. You’ve got to keep talking to your husband about your marriage and your limits. It’s sad that his adult children don’t have the cash for a home, but how is that your problem? Make it clear that if he and his ex-wife wish to talk about doing something for THEIR children, then they should go ahead. But you won’t be moving anywhere because you simply don’t want to.
Sadly, if your stand is a marriage breaker for him, then you’ll have to talk some more. What he can’t do is allow everyone to walk all over him simply because he doesn’t have the stomach to fight back.
Spark-free zone
My girlfriend and I are great in the sack but awkward in everyday life. Any time we go to bed together the sex is wild; nothing is taboo and we connect on a physical level. She shouts out what she wants, and I do my best to oblige. Otherwise, we struggle to converse. She doesn’t have any opinions. I’m nervous about telling her that I love her, in case I freak her out.
JANE SAYS: This sounds a very immature relationship. You and your girl are sexually intimate, yet you’re reluctant to speak your mind in case she thinks you’re pushing your luck. I suggest you take the lead and start being open and honest. If she doesn’t like that, then she’s clearly not the long-term partner for you.