‘Sleazy accomplice cheated on me SIX occasions in a single month and obtained two ladies pregnant’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who can’t decide whether to forgive her badly behaved partner

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If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Dirty half dozen

Can I forgive my man for making two other women pregnant? He claims to love me and swears he’ll never cheat on me again. But, sometimes, I look at him and struggle to understand what makes him tick. He cheated on me during our month-long break last September. I was angry with him for spending money on a crappy car and texting an old girlfriend. He called me a control freak and I stormed out. He proceeded to go on a series of massive benders during, which he drank too much, smoked drugs and slept around. Two of the SIX women he bedded are now pregnant and are keeping the babies.

What makes me angry is that he knows that I desperately want a child of my own, but he’s been putting me off for years. Any time I mention starting a family he says that we can’t afford it. Even now he’s begging me to wait even though he intends to support and see his new babies when they’re born.

I understand that is the right thing to do, but where does all this leave me?

We’re currently back together again but on very shaky ground. He’s sorry and embarrassed and attempting to make things up to me. But what really scares and surprises me is his extreme reaction to our September drama. After an understandable row he lost his head and went crazy. What might he do if we have another blow up? My friends and family are torn. Half of them are telling me to walk away, while the other half think I should give him a second chance. His stepmother, in particular rings me every day pleading with me not to be too hard.

JANE SAYS: I suspect it’s in his stepmother’s best interests to keep you two together. After all, I doubt if she wants him coming back home again (with his dirty linen and crappy car) and taking over her life once more.

The truth is that you need to give yourself some thinking time.

Turn off that phone and seriously consider where you wish to go from here. The fact that you don’t have any children with this fella may even be a blessing; at least you don’t have anything tying you together. You’re at a significant crossroads in your life and can go anywhere you like from here.

My gut feeling is that this is the beginning of the end. Yes, all couples do have rows and go through highs and lows. But do individuals really go out and have unprotected sex with six lovers on the trot in a month after a silly row about texting and a motor?

You also must consider the ticking of your biological clock. Remember that, sadly, women aren’t fertile forever. If you’re ready to start a family now and he’s still not interested, then I suggest you get a wiggle on and find someone who is.

It’s great that he plans to be involved in the lives of his unborn children, but what will that cost him in terms of time, cash and energy? What will he have left for you?

Crunch time

My partner has always wanted to live abroad.

I’ve always gone along with the idea; saying “Yes, how lovely”. But now it’s crunch time and I don’t want to go anywhere. He’s been offered a fantastic redundancy package from work. He’s had our semi valued and if we sell everything, then his trip of a lifetime could be a reality. I’m terrified that I’m going to lose everything from my home to my friends. The other night I came clean and we had a massive row. He accused me of leading him on and being selfish. Help.

JANE SAYS: I’m not surprised he’s angry if you’ve been nodding along without ever expressing your true feelings. Clearly, he assumed that you were as excited about relocating as he is. But you can’t give up your current life if your heart’s not in it. From selling your home to giving up your friends and stability, there’s too much at stake. Is there a compromise? Could you go on a number of extended trips with his redundancy money? Could you rent out your home with the view to coming back in six months’ time? See if he’ll talk about your options.

At the end of it all, he needs to decide if he’s been deceived and let down and if this is a relationship breaker as far as he’s concerned.

Dirty tricks

I’m sick of my girlfriend’s tests and games. I’ve told her that I love her and want us to live together eventually but she keeps inventing emergencies that she expects me to respond to.

From hearing strange noises to struggles with her car, there doesn’t seem to be a day when she’s not getting me at it. The other morning it was a massive drama involving a lost set of keys. I turned up and they were miraculously found in her coat pocket.

What is she like?

JANE SAYS: Your girlfriend is like a pain in the backside.

She’s hooked on setting traps and challenges in order to test you. Either she’s very insecure or petulant and spoilt. Sit her down and tell her that she’s been rumbled. Explain that you’ve seen through her pathetic ‘tasks’ and feel insulted. I get the impression that you’re the kind of person who would willingly help anyone in need. If you’re inclined to give her a second chance, then insist that you start again on a level playing field. My instinct, however, is that she’s tricky and manipulative and that you should take the opportunity to leg it. What on earth would it be like living with her full time?

Plain stupid

I regret breaking up with my boyfriend back in January. I miss him. Just recently I’ve been getting a friend to secretly contact him online. She pretends she fancies him. I want them to arrange a date, which I can then turn up to and beg him to take me back. My sister says it’s a stupid plan. Is it?

JANE SAYS: You cannot play games and hide behind your friend’s identity. If you’ve got something to say to your ex-boyfriend, then start being open and honest and arrange to say it to his face. If it’s meant to be, then you and he will rekindle your relationship. If he’s not interested, then you must take it on the chin and move on. Why did you break up in the first place?