Dear Jobs Guru: ‘My cliquey new colleagues keep leaving me out of office banter’
Reader Lucinda has been struggling to make friends with the new hires at her office – and she’s starting to feel overwhelmed. Our Jobs Guru James Innes is here with some advice
Question:
Dear James,
We have had a big change of personnel recently and I am struggling to get on with my new colleagues.
They are quite cliquey and I feel excluded from lots of discussions and even office banter. They are also a loud group and I find it hard to concentrate when they are around. I feel that affects the quality of my work and I also worry that other people will think I’m not a team player.
I’m no shrinking violet normally but I feel overwhelmed. What should I do to improve working relations?
Lucinda, Sevenoaks
Answer:
This can’t be very pleasant to face on a daily basis, Lucinda – but I do admire your evident willingness to try to achieve a solution and resolve matters.
I feel that a lot of the onus is on them to try to make you feel included but they’re evidently doing a poor job of that so it’s great that you’re making an effort yourself.
We should, all of us, be striving to become better team players tomorrow than we are today. I’ve got six suggestions for you on that front:
1. Actively participate. Pitch in! Don’t hold back on sharing your own experience, knowledge, opinions and point of view.
2. Seize the initiative in finding solutions to any problems your team might encounter.
3. A problem shared is a problem halved. Let your team members know that they can come to you with problems and you’ll help them to find solutions.
4. Be prepared to ‘take one for the team’, i.e. willingly make a personal sacrifice for the benefit of the team. There are few surer ways to get the respect of your colleagues.
5. Accept the mistakes of others with good grace – even if it is rather annoying…
6. Buy some earplugs!
Top Tip:
Learn to understand your colleagues. Everyone has different needs, emotions and objectives, so building a relationship with someone requires you to have a good understanding of what these are.
Spotlight On: Trust and Respect
Trust is a key factor to ensuring the success of any working relationship, as is respect. By demonstrating the ability to keep your colleagues’ confidences, you will earn their trust and they will therefore reward you with the same courtesy.
The minute there is any suspicion of people working against each other or behind their backs, trust will be lost and it can be impossible to regain. If you disagree strongly with something that a colleague has said or done, it is much better to address this with them directly, rather than taking it up with a manager.
A great deal of time and effort should be invested in the development of working relationships to ensure they are mutually beneficial and productive.
Our Jobs Guru, James Innes, is a best-selling careers author and founder of the world’s leading group of professional CV and resume writers .
