‘Obsessed boss is attractive for me however cannot present it – she’s making my life hell’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Fancy that
People keep telling me that my boss is obsessed with me. She’s got a funny way of showing it…
Up until a few months ago we got on well.
We regularly went for drinks after work, and she said I had talent.
But just lately she’s turned on me. Co-workers confirm that she gives me a harder time than anybody else. Suddenly my ideas are ‘rubbish’. She humiliates me in meetings and gives me all the nastiest jobs to do.
I daren’t be a minute late into work or take a lunch break for fear of having my head bitten off. I accept that I work in a tough industry where the stakes are high, but I’m not stupid. I know that she singles me out for the worst tasks. Even the lady in the canteen has suggested it’s because she fancies me. I’m flabbergasted. The other day one of the senior team took me to one side and suggested I dump my girlfriend.
She said that my boss is crazy about me and fantasises about me all the time. She’s furious that I’m dating a girl from my church.
But where does work end and my home life begin?
This person reckons that our boss is terrified of exhibiting her true feelings and showing me any favouritism in case she cracks and loses her authority. Our firm always has an autumn party. This year, partners are being invited for the first time and, of course, I’m planning to take my gorgeous girlfriend along. I love her and I’m proud of her. But is my jealous boss going to hate that? Am I going to have a job in the future?
Why is life so unfair? All I want to do is get on and work?
JANE SAYS: Your boss is clearly a very immature and unprofessional woman. If she can’t manage her emotions in the workplace then she shouldn’t be in a position of authority. It’s absolutely appalling that she’s singling you out and being horrible to you.
Keep your distance from her at the upcoming autumn party and, for goodness’ sake, don’t drink any alcohol or let your guard down. Vow to behave with all the dignity and decorum that you can muster. I fear that this is a very dangerous and tricky woman who could easily twist situations to her advantage. It’s important that you make a note of everything that has happened so far – and then talk to your HR department and/or union about the way you’re being treated. You could also consider checking out ACAS (acas.org.uk) for advice. Your deluded boss may believe that she’s hit a certain point in her career, which allows her to run roughshod over everybody. But she cannot get away with intimidating and bullying you. If you’re no good at your job, then why hasn’t she sacked you? What she can’t do is keep picking away, because it’ll kill your confidence. Your private life is your business. You’re fully entitled to a girlfriend and sex life away from the office.
Slutty lovers
My ex and I divorced in 2022. He was drinking heavily and playing around with other women. I threw him out when one of his slutty lovers came to the door asking me for money. The divorce was nasty.
Our family home was sold, and I moved into a flat.
Now he’s back on his feet and can’t understand why I don’t want to kiss or have sex with him. He’s sober and looking okay. He regularly pops round for a cuppa but goes into a huff when I must tell him to leave. How do I get him to move on?
JANE SAYS: You and your ex are divorced. He needs to understand that your romantic and sexual relationship is over. Sadly, for him, turning back the clock isn’t an option because too much has happened. From having sex with other women to putting, you through an ugly divorce, he’s lucky that you even offer him so much as a cup of tea. Personally, I wouldn’t have anything more to do with someone like that.
Ultimately, if this man is becoming a nuisance; if he’s stealing your time and making you dread opening the front door, then maybe you need to tell him to clear off forever. Don’t think twice about calling the police if he’s harassing or stalking you. You don’t owe him anything.
Broken friendship
Last year a friend fell over a broken paving stone in the street. She ended up in hospital where I visited her every day. I pursued a claim and, after a huge amount of hard work, I secured her some well-deserved compensation. Now she’s back in her own home and I rarely hear from her. She’s given the compensation to a charity and only socialises with her family.
I’m furious. I didn’t expect a penny, but a ‘thank you’ would have been nice.
JANE SAYS: You did what you thought was right at the time. You helped your neighbour when she was in trouble and got her what she was entitled to. You weren’t looking for a reward; you simply followed your heart and acted instinctively. It’s a terrible shame that she’s not used that compensation money to make her own life more comfortable, but that’s her choice. Of course, it’s annoying that she hasn’t thanked or repaid you. It could be that she’s embarrassed that you saw her at her most vulnerable. If she’s determined to put this whole episode behind her and move on, then I suggest you do the same. Don’t bear a grudge or allow yourself to become bitter because you need to be free.
Clocking off
I’m sick of my neighbour sticking her nose in my business. She clocks me every time I come in or go out.
She wants to know what I’ve been up to; what I’ve spent and who I’ve seen. She even comments on what I’m wearing and how I’ve parked my car.
Help.
JANE SAYS: If moving isn’t an option, then you’ll have to resolve to rise above this annoyance. Maintain your dignity and your cool and be as polite as you can. I suspect your neighbour is simply lonely, but it’s not your place to justify yourself or answer to anyone as you go about your daily business. That said, she might be useful for keeping an eye on your place. The last thing you want is to make an enemy.
