‘His fruity decide ‘n’ combine perspective in direction of intercourse drives me nutty’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is tired of her bloke bedding her friends and colleagues in the name of an open relationship
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Open door policy
My boyfriend is sleeping with friends and neighbours and I’m livid. When he first suggested we open up our relationship and play with others I made him promise that he would only have sex with strangers behind my back. On top of that I made it clear that I didn’t want to hear any details of his extra shenanigans – no gossip, no pictures, no details.
But he’s humiliating me by bonking my pals and chasing after my old colleagues. He’s also boasting about his exploits on social media and in public like a horny teen. The man has no style and no imagination.
Why can’t he find fresh women of his own to bed? Why invade my friendship groups?
I’m not interested in finding additional lovers of my own. I’m sick of him making our relationship so sordid and complicated and messing on our own doorstep.
JANE SAYS: You and your guy need to go back to the drawing board. His idea of an open relationship sounds like a frenzied attack on a pick ‘n’ mix counter – he’s going after all the sweet, tasty people you know without any thought for your feelings or reputation.
Why is he so keen on an open relationship in the first place? Why aren’t you enough for him?
Put your foot down and explain that everything stops right here. Sadly, if you and he cannot agree on an acceptable way forward then maybe this is where you part. Is he good enough for you? I think not…
Also, why aren’t your friends more loyal towards you? Time for a total overhaul of your social life.
Work shy lover is blatant user
I’m sick of my partner taking advantage of my wealth.
When we met in 2017, he was a high-flyer. He had a well-paid job and plenty of disposable income. He wooed me with great sex and expensive gifts.
Now I feel deceived and played because the minute we got a place together he gave up work. He stormed out after a petty row with his boss and refused to go back even when the boss apologised and offered him a pay rise.
He selfishly allowed his pride to rule his head. I naively assumed he’d start looking for another position straight away, but, instead, he went on a jolly to Nashville with a mate.
On his return he bummed around before finally deciding to become a gardener, but he has no qualifications or skills and hardly earns a penny. He’s changed.
I’m working harder and budgeting more tightly than I’ve ever done in my life because he simply assumes that I’ll pay every bill and top up his account when he’s broke. I’m terrified every time the boiler breaks, or the plumbing plays up. Recently I had a health scare and screamed at him to give me a break and get a better paid job. He looked at me as if I were crazy. He spat that he was ‘a creative’ and that the rat race wasn’t for him. He genuinely believes that normal graft is beneath him. Yet it’s my blood, sweat and tears working in the public sector that keeps us afloat.
I hate sounding bitter and resentful because that’s not me but can’t help feeling used and disrespected. Especially when he makes fun of me in front of other people for a being a ‘wage slave’ and moans at me in bed when I’m too knackered for sex.
JANE SAYS: You sound exhausted and so very disappointed. What started off as a wonderfully equal relationship has descended into a one-sided cash grab.
While you half kill yourself working in a tough industry your guy appears to drift through life doing the bare minimum. Let’s attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt. Let’s assume he’s lost his professional confidence and doesn’t know which industry he should be in or what his skills set is. Talk to him today and make it clear that you must know what the short and long-term holds because you only have so much stamina and need to understand where you’re both headed. Don’t allow him to dismiss you or brush you off. Sit down together and go through his passions, his qualifications and his options. Does he need to retrain or go back into education? Do you and he need to work on a reasonable timeline regarding his earnings?
What about other part-time jobs in between his gardening projects, after all there are twenty-four hours in a day and seven days in a week.
Obviously, it goes without saying that you must not get yourself into debt. Keep a close eye on your budget and be prepared to tell him ‘no’. Sadly, if he absolutely refuses to meet you halfway, then you’ll have to make some very big decisions in order to protect your own mental, physical and financial positions.
Mum’s the word
I’ve booked a house at the seaside for our upcoming wedding anniversary.
My daughter and her girlfriend will be sharing a room.
All I’m asking is that they don’t tell my mother that they’re in a sexual relationship. I’ve suggested my daughter tells my mum that they’re best friends.
She absolutely refuses and now says she’s going to make a point of telling her grandmother how much she loves her girlfriend. Is it so unreasonable of me to want to keep my mother in the dark when can be tricky and I need to keep her on side because of her Will?
JANE SAYS: This is 2025 and your daughter is in love. If she wishes to be completely open about her love for her girlfriend, then why should she hide or lie? Speak to your mother well in advance and simply explain how things are going to be. Don’t make excuses, just be honest. Surely the happiness and well being of your daughter is what’s important here. If you’re worried about your mother causing a scene or threatening to change her Will, then she must hear that love and companionship are a blessing and that not everything is about her. Surely there are bigger things to worry about.
Stuff and nonsense
I’m thinking of moving out. My husband has announced that he might have to work from home from January.
He’s loud, untidy and already dominates the house with his stuff. I’ve always worked in a little corner of the kitchen and having him in my face 24/7 will destroy me. What’s the solution?
JANE SAYS: You and your husband must agree boundaries and find a suitable way of working within your home. Can a space or shed be adapted or sacrificed solely for his needs? He needs to grow up meet you halfway by tidying up and respecting your space too. Meanwhile, make you sure you get out for a walk every day. See and chat to friends and speak to your GP if things get on top of you.
