‘Even my husband’s mistress is slagging me off and calling me a foul spouse’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is getting it in the ear from her husband’s lover
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They’ve all got it in for me
I’m being bossed around and bullied by my husband’s mistress. I fear I’ve sunk to my lowest ebb. The other day my nemesis rang instructing me to be nicer to my own hubby.
She ranted that I needed to give him a break; that I am too hard and in danger of driving him towards a breakdown. I politely asked her to leave me alone and never call my number again. The reality is that she has no idea what he’s put me through these past few years.
My husband is a man who is never happy; he moans about everything and is endlessly negative. I’ve known about his mistress for years but have chosen to turn a blind eye. I’m aware they enjoy playful, edgy sex.
Now, to be told by her, that I’m the monster is devastating. I just don’t feel as though anyone is on my side. How am I supposed to cope?
JANE SAYS: Speak to trusted friends and family about the pain you’re going through. Don’t be too proud to admit that your marriage is in crisis and that you’re struggling to cope.
Your husband’s mistress only knows one side of the story (the one he’s fed her) so you cannot allow her to knock your confidence or make you doubt yourself.
The reality is that if you’ve endured many unhappy years of marriage with this man. I very much doubt if he’s going to change now.
Consider consulting a relationship counsellor about where you go from here. My feeling is that you deserve to be happy and free. Too much time has already been wasted on someone who only thinks about himself. If his mistress is so wonderful and supportive, then why isn’t he with her fully time instead?
One fling too many
My boyfriend has cheated on me many times.
The first time he failed to come home after a night out ‘with the lads’ I was in bits.
I rang round and discovered he was with his ex. The second time I caught him with his dynamic ex-boss. Both times he came back with his tail between his legs promising to never let me down again.
Since then, he’s messed around with various female colleagues and people from the gym.
Now he’s acting strangely, and I fear he’s having an on-line fling because I keep catching him on his phone. Why should I forgive him another time?
JANE SAYS: Is this man ever going to grow up and behave? I don’t think he is. So far, he’s had several flings (that you know about) and now he’s in a loved-up world of his own.
Have you ever asked him why he bothers to stay in this relationship when he finds it so hard to be faithful and loyal? How does he regard you; as someone who simply provides a comfortable home or someone he truly loves and respects? I don’t think he deserves any more chances.
He sounds like a man who lives in his own head and only does his own thing. Is that right?
