‘Horny boyfriend’s porn dependancy is popping me right into a residing intercourse doll’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Human plaything

I’m sick of my porn addicted boyfriend imposing his extreme tastes on me. I’ve begun to feel like a sex object – a human plaything.

I’m convinced he doesn’t even see me anymore; I’m just a naked shape in front of him to use at his pleasure. Whenever I try and talk to him during sex he tells me to be quiet because his mind is a million miles away. I swear he goes into a trance-like mindset. I believe he conjures up all the stuff he’s drooled over on screen and then expects me to recreate it for him in our bedroom. He views porn every day – even when he’s at work – so risqué smut is always on his mind. He has such strong expectations that he forgets that I’m a normal woman who loves sex – yes – but also craves love and affection. The other night he announced that he was going to call up a working girl for a threesome. He’d had a bonus at work and claimed he deserved a treat. When I said ‘no thanks’ he went completely crazy. He accused me of being boring and unadventurous. In the end I felt so worn down that I agreed to sex his way, which left me feeling dirty and used. It’s got to the point where I dread coming home at night because I just don’t know what kind of horrors he has in store for me. It doesn’t feel as though my life is mine anymore – and I’m so ashamed.

Couple that with the fact that I feel so unattractive that my sexual confidence is at an all-time low. How do I begin to tell him that this is not the kind of life I wish to live without him going into a massive sulk again?

JANE SAYS: Porn addiction is very real, and your boyfriend is in the grip of something overwhelming. I can’t believe he’s happy. I suspect he feels guilty, dirty and full of shame. Suggest that you both visit his GP together for a chat. He could ask the doctor what therapy or counselling might be available.

If he is now so obsessed with pornography that it’s taking over his life, then he needs to seek professional help. Talk to him today – away from the bedroom – and tell him that neither of you can go on like this. His head is all over the place, while you’re feeling used and confused.

This cold sex life is not what you signed up for when you started going out with him; it does nothing for you; and must be addressed. He must understand that he has a problem, even if he doesn’t care to acknowledge it. However, if he absolutely won’t accept that this is serious, then you’ll have to think about moving on before his behaviour drags you any further down.

I realise that you care for him and desperately wish to turn the clock back, but you can’t allow him to demean you forever. Any kind of sexual activity must be mutually agreeable. No one partner can ever be allowed impose rules or demands on another. You must consider your mental and sexual health.

Doggy kill joys

My girlfriend allows our two dogs and our cat on our king-sized bed. I’m a big bloke and there’s barely room for my legs. She gets very hot in the night and flings off the duvet leaving me freezing.

She’s also a huge snorer, although she claims I make the most noise. As for sex? Forget it. I can’t remember the last time we got close because we always tumble into bed in a bad mood. We used to be so loving towards each other. I fear that we’re drifting apart.

JANE SAYS: Bedtimes are stressful for a lot of couples. From one partner being too hot to another snoring; settling down and enjoying a good night’s sleep is often harder to achieve than we might imagine.

In your case, your partner is insisting on all your animals on the bed, but in doing so she refuses to acknowledge that you simply don’t have enough space to stretch out and truly relax.

It’s vital that you have an open conversation away from the bedroom. Tell her that something must change, because neither of you are enjoying quality sleep, which is leading to stress. The animals have got to sleep in appropriate pet baskets. She needs to consult her GP about her night sweats. Would you be happier in twin beds in the same room? Look at the options.

What a waste

I’m 37 and have nothing to show for my life. No savings, no partner and no home of my own.

I work in an adequately paid job, but I’m filled with regrets. I look back and cringe.

I have wasted thousands on nights out and on other people. I’ve spent nearly two decades either drunk or hung over. Only two of my friends are decent. Why did I ever split up with my kind, but a bit boring, first boyfriend who is now a multi-millionaire? How could I have been so stupid and shallow?

JANE SAYS: There is nothing you can do to change the past, so stick your chin in the air and vow to start again. Look after your money by setting a monthly budget and only surround yourself with positive, worthwhile people who enrich your life and make you feel good. If alcohol is a problem, then seek help in giving it up. Vow to wipe the slate clean and learn from your mistakes. As for your (boring) millionaire ex; there’s no guarantee that you and he would have gone the distance. If you were meant to be together, then it would have happened. Get over your youthful glitches and emerge stronger and wiser.

Couldn’t care less

My brothers have no interest in our sick father. Despite them both having money and cars, they won’t visit. I’m sick of telling our poor Dad that they’re ‘at work’ when they simply can’t be bothered. Yet they’ll both expect a slice of his estate when he eventually dies.

JANE SAYS: Some people prefer to bury their heads in the sand. Your brothers know where your father is; now it’s up to them to make the effort to see him. If they don’t get to see him before he dies, then that’s something that they’ll have to deal with. What’s important is that you do the right thing and give your father all the love and care you can. As for the will – it’s for your Dad to decide who gets what.